Against Destiny
by Earth Rincar
Summary: Takes place during "Entropy", what if Spike DID cast a spell on himself that would make him stop loving Buffy? Spike/Buffy pairing.
1. Entropy

Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and its characters aren't mine. They all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. 

Summary: Takes place during "Entropy", Spike DOES cast a spell on himself that would make him stop loving Buffy and things get out of control. Spike/Buffy pairing. 

Spoilers: Season Six and Seven 

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter One : Entropy 

Spike sank on his couch with a heavy sigh after five hours of back breaking crypt cleaning. His home was now back to normal, as normal as it could get to accommodate the Vampire. The ash and black debris in the upper level had been scrubbed off of the walls, floor, and the ceiling. The charred furniture and dead, baby Suvolte Demons in the lower level had been thrown away. Fortunately, his collection of stolen Buffy goods, books, personal journals, old photos, and written poetry managed to survive the Slayer's escapade with a grenade as they were hidden in a stone chest. 

The door then burst open with a loud crash and Buffy entered the crypt in all of her self righteousness glory with a black object in her hands. 

The peroxide blond Vampire stood up from the couch and strode toward the Slayer. He looked into her emerald green eyes. They were full of tension, confusion, and doubt, though to a smaller amount. "Need something, Slayer?" 

The young woman said nothing and maintained her blank and cold expression. Quickly, she shoved the black object she had been carrying into Spike's right hand. 

Spike looked at the thing in his hand, puzzled, and had no idea what the disturbance was all about. He gazed at the Slayer carefully, her face suddenly demanding and questioning. "What's this?" he asked with an arched eyebrow. 

"It's a camera," Buffy answered matter-of-factly though her voice held no emotion. 

The Vampire fought the urge to snort. "Yeah, I got that part. Why am I holding it?" 

"Someone was using it to spy on me. On the house. Xander thinks it might've been you," Buffy replied. 

Fiery rage flared in Spike's sapphire blue eyes. "Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp! It must be true!" he said in mocked tone. 

"Spike..." 

He resisted the need to bolt out of his home, rip Xander to shreds, and then scatter his entrails all over town. Words could not describe the hatred he felt toward the poor excuse of a man. "That ponce has always had it for me. Every chance he gets, he sticks it..." he told her coldly and stopped when he caught uncertainty on her face. "You believe him, don't you? You think I was spying on you." His dead heart shattered at the revelation. 

Buffy didn't respond and glanced at him a bit guiltily. 

"You think I could do that," he accused. 

The Slayer finally found her tongue and sarcastically said, "Yeah, righteous indignation is absolutely the way to go here, 'cause you don't kill or lie or steal or manipulate..." 

Spike handed the camera back to Buffy carefully. "I don't hurt you," he stated quietly. 

She looked down at the camera. "I know." 

"No, you don't," he accused again. "I've tried to make it clear to you, but you won't see it. Something happened to me. The way I feel... about you... It's different. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't. It's real." He tried his best to sound convincing and genuine and silently pleaded for her to believe him. 

"I think it is," she agreed gently and paused. "For you." 

Spike stared at her. He felt like he just died again and whatever was left of his shattered heart crumbled to dust and was set on fire. Pain and hurt spread across his sapphire blue eyes with a small trace of self loathing. 

"I know that's not what you want to hear. And I'm sorry. I really am. You just... have to move on. You have to..." she said and tried to be sincere as much as possible. 

He gazed at her intensely, then desperately but his face hardened in a split second. He glared at her menacingly and coldly as rage boiled inside him. If looks could kill, Buffy would have been on the stone floor gasping for her breath. "Get out," he hissed, venom and anger dripping all over his voice. With that said, he whirled around and went to the lower level of his crypt. 

When Spike heard the Slayer leave, he picked up an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's from the floor and violently threw it at the wall. He watched in satisfaction as the bottle shattered into a hundred pieces and when the noise it made echoed throughout the basement of his crypt. William the Bloody shook his head and began to pace around, from one end to the other. 

"Not real... NOT REAL?!! Bloody, sodding, bleeding, wretched bitch doesn't know what's real herself. Who is she to judge? I know what I feel is real... Bitch doesn't know me... Bitch doesn't even know her own self, she doesn't," he grumbled through clenched teeth. "God, what does it take?!!" he roared as he stopped in front of the wall. He drew his fists back and punched the wall continuously while he laughed bitterly. 

Slowly, he stopped and sat down with his back against the wall though his laughter did not cease. Good God, he changed for her, made himself a better man. He let a Hell God break his bones so he could keep her and Dawn safe. He fought by her side to stop Evil, even though her friends treated him as dirt, even though he wasn't obligated to. He was always there to listen and to understand her while the Scoobies pressured her to get better when she got resurrected. He loved her and was willing to be her slave, do anything for her, ANYTHING. Sweet merciful Hades, if that wasn't love, then was it? 

Spike rested his head on his hands and fought back the tears that welled up in his sapphire blue eyes. "Bloody bint has no idea what she's doing to me... what my feelings for her..." he whispered hoarsely and trailed off. It hurt... everything hurt so much. It felt like his insides were cut by a rusty blade. Who knew a few simple words could cause so much pain, so much torment? Will the pain ever stop? Will it ever... 

The Vampire shook his thoughts out of his head as he realized he had been brooding. No, there was no way he was going to act like Angel. 

Spike stood up again and resumed his pacing. "This has to bloody stop. This wasn't even suppose to happen... it's all wrong, it is!! Me, Vampire, is suppose to kill the Slayer, it's my destiny. Buffy, Slayer, is suppose to kill the likes of me, her destiny. A Dance is what we do, with only one standing in the end..." 

"I've got to find a way... need to get over her like I did with Dru. Need something to make the love and hurt go away. But how?" He frantically wracked his brain for answers. He knew he could get over Buffy but that might take years, centuries even. He needed a faster solution, an easier way out. 

"A spell." He smirked as the answer to his problem percolated through his brain. A spell could make him stop loving Buffy. "A spell is what I need... but does it exist?" He hoped against hope that it did. "It should, it has to... if there's a spell that could make me fall for Buffy and then propose to her..." He grinned at the memory. The event disgusted him back then but now it was one of his most treasured moments. "...why not a numbing spell?" 

Spike climbed up the ladder and paused when he reached the upper level. "But where am I going to get it? And who will cast it? Can't go to Red or Glinda... they'll tell Buffy. The Nerds are out of the question... so that only leaves Demon Girl and her little shop." He had a suspicion that Anya would distance herself from the Scoobies since Xander dumped her at the altar so the chances of the Vengeance Demon telling the Slayer were slim at the moment. Spike allowed another smirk creep onto his lips and sauntered into the night. 

*** 

Spike entered the Magic Box and saw Anya and Halfrek by the counter. "Hey. I need a thing," he announced casually. 

Anya greeted the Vampire with dancing eyes, obviously excited about something. Why? Spike had no idea. "So... what's your pleasure?" she asked in a business like tone. 

"Fresh out of pleasure. That's why I'm here. I need something. Numbing spell, maybe?" he said nonchalantly as he strode toward the counter. 

"Uh huh. Hang on," Anya nodded and pulled Halfrek aside. 

Spike watched the Vengeance Demons whisper to themselves. He could hear them if he focused with his vampire hearing but decided not to. He could care less whatever they were talking about. Besides, the thought of being free from Buffy preoccupied his mind. After awhile, Halfrek waved to Anya and left the store. 

"Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out," he apologized. 

"No problem. I'm ready to do business," Anya replied, a bit too eagerly. 

"Right then. Got something that'll dull the ache a bit?" he asked. 

The blonde woman turned around and gathered herbs, roots, and powdered materials from the shelves. "So... have you heard about me and Xander?" she initiated. 

"Yeah," he responded dryly and winced inwardly, not really wanting to talk about Xander of all people. "...Slayer told me all about it, she did." 

Anya whirled around to face him and set the ingredients on the counter. "Xander is stupid. He dumped me at the altar," she stated bluntly. "His friends think he's stupid too," she added quickly. "Don't you think he's stupid? Don't you hate Xander? Don't you just WISH that his guts should explode?" 

"It'll be a pretty sight," Spike chuckled and noticed the mischievous and malevolent gleam in her eyes as she said 'wish'. "Poncy bastard deserves that and more. The bloke deserves to be drained until he's nearly dead, I say. Then, he should get tossed into a sea full of sea serpents. It'll be fun watching the beasties rip him apart while he screams." 

"Yeah, that's a good one! Do you really WISH that?" she chirped. 

The Vampire shook his head sadly. "No... not really... for some reason he means something to Red, Nibblet, and the Slayer. I hate Brick Layer but I'd hate it more to see Nibblet and the others get depressed over him." 

Anya let out a frustrated growl. "Xander, Xander, XANDER!! Everyone is always sticking up for Xander, even YOU!! I mean, HELLO, I'm the one who got dumped here!! I'm the victim!!" she ranted angrily as she bagged Spike's things and totalled the amount on the cash register. 

Spike just kept quiet and raised an eyebrow. He wondered what was Anya's fit all about and what she meant by 'everyone is always sticking up for Xander'. He shook the thought away. Whatever happened between Xander, Anya, and the Scoobies was none of his business. He already had enough problems with his love life. 

"That'll cost you $50.58" Anya said coldly. 

The Vampire paid her without a word and took the brown paper bag from the counter. 

"There's a card in the bag with the incantation for the spell," she reminded him and smiled brightly afterward. "Thank you for shopping with the Magic Box and have a nice night!! Oh, and, don't forget to bring more money next time!!" 

Spike almost flinched at the tone she used as he headed toward the door. It reminded him of the way the Buffy Bot talked. The Vampire almost bumped into someone as he stepped out of the store. 

"Slayer," he greeted coldly when he saw it was her. 

"Spike," Buffy replied automatically and noticed the brown paper bag on his right hand. "What's that?" 

"Stuff," he answered. 

"What for?" 

"To 'move on'," he said in a low, almost menacing voice and walked away. 

Buffy watched him disappear into the shadows with a confused look on her face. 

*** 

Spike traced a circle, which was three feet in diameter, on the stone floor with the bottle of black powder that he had purchased from the Magic Box in a counter clockwise direction. He then placed all of the herbs and roots in the centre of the circle and set the pile on fire with his lighter. The Vampire sat down in front of the ring and read the incantation from the little card Anya gave him. 

"Eros, Kut uv Muja, knyhd so fecr,  
Mekrd, Tyng, Vena, Fydan, Ayndr, Feht,  
Mad dro bufanc luspeha,  
Cylnat Amasahdc, syga sa fryd E fyc,  
Dra syh E icat du pa,  
Yht caym dro asudeuhc eh y lyka uv ela yht cduha,  
Eros, rana so bmay,  
Mad dro muja pa luhvehat,  
NAMAYCA YHT TECBAM!!" 

As he recited the last word, a bright blue flash of light lit the room and then vanished as quickly as it came. Spike stood up and noticed that the ingredients for the spell were all gone as well. "Did it bloody work?" he asked himself. 

"One way to find out." He stalked toward the chest in the corner and took out a stolen photo of Buffy. He just stared at it blankly. His heart didn't flutter like it always did whenever he set his sapphire blue eyes on her, it remained unbeating. With a scoff, he chucked the picture back in its place, somewhat roughly as if it had no value anymore. Spike smirked evilly and laughed to his heart's content. 

"It worked!!! I'm bloody free of her!!" 


	2. Higher And Higher

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Two : Higher And Higher 

Spike sauntered into the cemetery with wings on his feet. He was free of Buffy. Whatever love he felt for the Slayer was gone. No more torture, no more pain, and no more Buffy to screw around with his head. 

Tonight was the start of a good life, to make things right again, to make things the way they were suppose to be. To celebrate his freedom, the peroxide blond had planned on going to Willy's, get drunk, and maybe pound a few demons. He was going to give himself one thing he hadn't for a long time; one good day. 

Suddenly, a zombified arm shot out of the damp ground and grabbed Spike's right leg. 

"Bloody Hell!!" the Vampire yelled, surprised, and shook his leg to relinquish himself. 

Another zombie arm came out of the earth and took hold of Spike's left leg. 

The peroxide blond looked down to see what had grabbed him. "What in the bleeding Hell is this?!" he growled, annoyed and irritated at being restrained. He then looked up and saw a whole mob of zombies with railroad spikes sticking out of their heads. The mob consisted of men, women, children, and the elderly. Their faces looked vindictive, full of vengeance, hatred, and contempt. "Zombies..." he whispered. 

"Burn!" a male zombie dressed in a suit hissed. 

"Die!" 

"Go to Hell!!" 

Spike took a nervous breath though he tried to look calm. "Hey, hold on now," he said and wracked his brain for something to say. "You lot WOULDN'T want to eat my brain. You see... ah, vampire brains are REALLY bad for zombies, they are. VERY high in cholesterol. Not healthy. You should go for human brains instead. Heard of the Nerd Trio? You lot should pay them a visit. Blokes got, big, fat, juicy, intelligent brains! You..." 

"SILENCE!!" a zombified, old man roared and stepped forward. 

Spike recognized him as the leader and scrunched up his nose as the old man smelled like a combination of rotten meat and the dirty, uncleaned toilets at Willy's. "Heard of a bath, mate?" he asked, despite his vulnerable position. 

The rotten corpse in front of him said nothing and took out a stake. "You should burn in Hell." 

"Hey now, let's play nice and put the stake away, old chap," Spike told him in a warning tone. "Don't want anyone to get hurt, do we?" 

"Hurt," the old man echoed and chuckled bitterly. "You deserve to hurt... for all eternity..." He raised the stake and plunged it at his heart. "Die!" 

"NOOO!!" Spike cried out as he sat up from his stone sarcophagus, his makeshift bed at the moment until his burnt one was replaced. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "No..." he rasped. 

He then looked around and found himself still in his crypt, which was a good sign. He put one hand over his heart to feel for any punctures, wounds, or cuts. None. Another good sign, a VERY good sign. Spike slumped forward and cradled his head in his hands. 

"God... it seemed so real..." he whispered hoarsely. He hadn't had any dreams about zombies since... well, forever. For the past year and half, his dreams only consisted of himself and Buffy. "Well, at least, it wasn't about Buffy. That's a good start, innit? Even if it was about zombies," he thought. 

Spike lay back down with a sigh. From his internal vampiric clock, it was three in the afternoon. He could still get a few hours of sleep till sunset. But after the nightmare, sleep was the last thing in his to-do-list. The Vampire stood up and got dressed as he always slept naked. Just soon after he tied the laces of his combat boots, the door flew open and came in the Slayer. 

"Need anything, Slayer?" he asked casually. 

Buffy paused and examined him for a second. Spike felt different somehow like he changed. But what he changed into exactly, she didn't know. She gazed into his piercing, sapphire blue eyes in hopes of finding answers. His eyes didn't satisfy her. The blue orbs were almost void of any emotions or feelings. There wasn't any love there, only hints of disdain and contempt. 

"Slayer, you just going to look at me all day or what?" he asked, annoyed and impatient. 

Buffy snapped out of her thoughts. "Warren, Andrew, and Jonathan," she stuttered. 

"Yeah?" he prodded with an arched, scarred eyebrow. 

The blonde woman finally managed to compose herself. "I... uh... was just thinking if you've heard anything from them. No exploding evil lint or bank robberies as of late. I was just wondering if you've heard any rumours about them or something like that." 

"Don't know a bloody thing," Spike shrugged and stalked toward the door. He made a gesture with his hand for her to leave. His fingertips caught a few rays of sunlight though it went unnoticed. 

Buffy felt like she got hit by a truckload of bricks on the face. "Spike being quiet and reserved? Spike being cold? Spike kicking ME out of his crypt? What has this Spike done to MY Spike? Wait. Stop. Rewind. There is no 'my Spike'. Whatever we had was finished..." she babbled on in her head. 

"Slayer," he said coldly. "I've got things to do. I've got a life outside of helping you." 

Buffy fell out of lala land and landed back on reality. "Oh," was her only response. She felt her knees go weak and her heart race for reasons she couldn't explain to herself. Spike just dismissed her like she was a nobody. Spike seemed different. She wanted to know what was wrong with him but the icy expression he had on his face stopped her. "He's just probably all bad moody because of last night," she tried to convince herself mentally. With all the effort and strength she could muster, she marched out of his crypt without another word. 

Spike watched her leave and finally realized he had stuck his fingertips out in the sunlight for the past few minutes. With some panic, he snatched his fingers away and examined them for any damage. They were burn and sizzle free. A frown crossed his features. "What the bloody Hell?" he muttered under his breath. 

Tentatively, he reached out into the light and nothing happened. "Hmm..." Feeling more confident and brave now, he stepped out of his crypt and into the broad daylight. For a moment, he shielded his sapphire blue eyes from the blinding rays of the sun and allowed them to adjust. It felt awkward leaving the safety and comfort of the shadows and being out in the light. The graveyard seemed so different like it was another place. It didn't scream 'Death' or 'beware of demons' like it always did as soon as night fell. 

His heart pounded heavily against his chest as if he expected himself to catch flames at any moment. Wait. Pounding. He could hear his heart pounding and blood rush through his veins with his vampire hearing. 

"What the... how? Why? How?" Spike stuttered and went back to his crypt abruptly. 

Spike paced around while his mind tried to come up with answers for his questions. "Okay... I don't burn under the sunlight, got a pulse... and... and, oh God, I feel warm!! And this only happened after the spell... THE SPELL!!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. 

He stopped at his tracks and punched the wall. "I'm a bleeding mortal human!! NO WAY!! I can't be a fu..." He gave the wall a kick this time. He hated being human or the thought of him being human. It reminded him of William. William was a loser who wrote bloody awful poetry. William was a nobody who everybody picked on. William was a geek who couldn't score with any woman. William was WEAK. He didn't want to remember William and the painful memories that came with him. They were all better off buried and untouched. 

He loved being a vampire. He loved being Spike. Spike was a Master vampire who could do more than write poetry. Spike killed two Slayers and struck fear into most demons' hearts. Spike was a woman magnet at any bar or club. Spike was strong and was a celebrity in the demon community. 

"Magicks!! Bloody, sodding, bleeding MAGICKS!!" he roared and punched the wall again. "Bloody mojo did more than it was suppose to. I should've known better... bugger." Spike sat down with his back against the wall. He let out a heavy sigh and laughed bitterly. Human. He hated the thought of becoming one. It reminded him of his painful memories. On the bright side, he didn't love Buffy anymore and his vampire powers still seemed to be intact. 

An idea then struck him. He willed for his demon visage to come out but it didn't. Another sigh came with frustrated growling afterward. Whatever spell he had casted on himself was a double edged sword. Or maybe it just backfired. It didn't really matter what happened because he was going to have a nice little chat with Anya... except she would ask too much questions. He didn't want any of the Scoobies to find out what he had done to himself. They would ridicule him for it like they always did whenever they had the chance, like the time they discovered he had been chipped. 

What he needed was outside help... from the demon world. But the only demon he knew that was experienced with Magicks was Doc and he was rotting in Hell with Glory and her band of ugly minions. 

"There has to be a demon that could help me. Clem should know someone," he told himself assuredly and let stress and frustration blanket him with sleep. 

*** 

Spike left his crypt as soon as darkness loomed over Sunnydale. He stalked across the graveyard with predatory grace while his black leather trench coat swayed in the breeze with each step he took. A cocky smirk crept onto his lips as he heard scampering noises around him. "That's right, baby, be afraid... very afraid," he thought sinisterly. Whatever demons were around him could pick up his anger and were avoiding him like the plague. 

Spike was very well known in the demon community with his mass murderings in the past century and having killed two Slayers. Though most demons considered him a traitor for siding with Buffy, most of them still feared him for he was still a force to be reckoned with and even more so in a very bad mood. Rule number one; don't mess with the Big Bad, just don't. However, there were still those who were foolish enough to try and challenge him... kill the Slayer of Slayers and become famous. But whatever idiots that tried to kill him in the past always ended up dead themselves. 

The peroxide blond Vampire or Ex-Vampire rather finally reached Willy's and entered the bar. He went straight to the back room and found Clem with his poker buddies. 

"Hey there, Spike!" Clem greeted with a friendly smile. 

"Clem," Spike nodded curtly. 

"You going to play?" the floppy eared one asked. 

"Count me out. Say, heard of any demon warlock come into town?" the Ex-Vampire inquired. 

Clem pondered for a moment. "Yeah... only one. I think I might have seen him drinking here when I came in. Heard he's young but real good though. Don't know what kind of demon he is but he looks human and get this; he wears a lot of black." 

"Really?" Spike grinned. "Well, I'm going to go and find this bloke. Thanks for the info, mate." With that, he turned around and went to the lounge room. Through the crowd of demons, he saw the person he had been searching for. He stood still for awhile and studied the young man to see if he could take him if he chose to be uncooperative. 

The young man sat alone in a table at a corner while he played a game of solitaire. He wore a long, black leather duster that went past his knees. Underneath the duster was a thin, black hooded sweater, with the hood stuck out and hung over the coat instead of tucked under it. He wore a pair of black, baggy pants and a pair of black running shoes. His half inch short, raven black hair was tousled though a few bangs hung over his forehead. He had dark brown eyes, which seemed void of any emotions and feelings at the moment. The young man seemed to be five foot ten tall with a lean body frame and a European complexion. 

While Spike had been studying the warlock, two vampires, game faces on, had approached the young man and seemed to be arguing over something now. 

"Look, kid, we'll drain you dry if you don't perform that spell for us," the first vampire threatened. 

The young man took a small gulp from his bottle of Smirnoff Ice and stood up. Quickly, he slugged the first one on the face and sent him flying to the wall. "One, I'm NOT a 'kid', I'm eighteen and my name is Darius." Darius turned to the second vampire. "And two, I don't do spells for free." His dark brown eyes flashed black for a second and before the vampire knew it, an invisible force threw him across the room. 

Darius shook his head while he shoved his deck of cards into one of his duster's inside pockets, having the feeling that his night had been ruined. He left the bar through the back door and went into the alley. The young man tensed as he sensed a presence behind him and turned around to find Spike grinning and clapping his hands. 

"Great show back there, mate." Spike smirked evilly and stalked forward. 

"What do you want?" Darius asked in a casual tone and crossed his arms over his chest. 

Spike was now in front of him and put his hands in the front pockets of his coat. "Need you to check a mojo for me." 

"It'll cost you..." 

"Nothing!" Spike cut him off when he grabbed his neck and slammed him against the wall. To his surprise, Darius didn't struggle against his grip and his eyes were calm. There was no fear or uneasiness, just nothingness, which annoyed the Ex-Vampire a bit. He loved it when he struck fear into someone, it made things more fun. 

"So, what kind of spell is it?" Darius spoke up. 

Spike put him down. "Follow me. Can't do this here." He gave him an icy and menacing glare. "Try to hightail it and you'll find yourself in a whole world of pain," he warned and started forward. 

Darius frowned at the peroxide blond and followed him back to his crypt. 

*** 

Buffy Summers sat down on her sofa while she watched 'Friends' on TV but not really watching it as her mind was somewhere else. She didn't even notice Dawn enter the house through the front door. 

"Buffy! I'm home!!" Dawn called out and found her big sister on the couch. "Oh, there you are." The brunette bounced happily into the living room and took a seat next to her. She noticed the dazed look on Buffy's face and waved her hand in front of her. "Hello? Anyone there? Earth to Buffy?" 

The Slayer was finally aware of the Key's presence. "Um, Dawn, hey." She smiled, a bit sheepishly. 

"Hey yourself." Dawn smiled back. 

"How did your school project with Janice go?" Buffy asked. 

"It went good. We got about half of it done," Dawn answered with a shrug. "How about you? How was your afternoon? You've been pretty out of it since I got home from school." 

"Oh, I-I'm just tired... y-you know, it's just one of THOSE days," Buffy replied with faked laughter. 

"Uh-huh," Dawn nodded and pretended to believe her. She had to find out what was wrong with her big sister, it was her job after all, that and to annoy her by wearing her clothes without permission. She had an idea. "Hey Buffy, I get out of school early tomorrow... so you mind if I hang around Spike? You and Willow won't be here when I get home." Dawn noticed Buffy tense up at the mention of Spike's name. "I'm sooo smart AND evil," she squealed in her head and smiled. 

"S-Spike?" Buffy stammered. 

"Yeah. Haven't seen him for awhile. He's my friend, you know." Her smile widened. "So, can I go to Spike's, pleeeaaassee? I'll be home before sunset," she pleaded sweetly and with matching puppy dog eyes. 

A look of discomfort crossed Buffy's features upon hearing Spike's name again. "S-sure. You can go. But I'm coming to get you if you're not home by five." 

"Fair enough. Thanks Buffy!" Dawn sat closer to her and gave her a hug. 

Buffy leaned into her sister's embrace. It was so comforting, just what she needed after Spike completely threw her out of his crypt. Just then, the front door opened and Willow came in. 

"Hey Willow," the Summers girls greeted. 

"Hey guys," the Witch replied. "Oh, and I brought dinner, Chinese." She held out a plastic bag with take-out boxes in it. 

"Oooh. Haven't had Chinese for awhile. Did you get fried rice? The one that's all brown with itty bitty pieces of ham and peas?" Dawn asked. 

"You bet. So let's make with the eating," Willow grinned. 

Buffy got up. "You two go ahead. I'm going to go outside... to... patrol, yeah, patrol." 

Dawn laughed inwardly. "She's sooo going to see Spike tonight," she thought. 

Willow looked confused. "Do you want to wait for us? We could help you. W-we could be bait to draw out vampires or something and then you can go kill them." 

Buffy quickly shook her head. "N-no! I-I can handle it. Just make sure you save some for me, okay?" With that said, she went to her room to wear slaying clothes and grab some stakes. 

Buffy felt guilty for leaving her friends just like that. But she just HAD to see Spike and figure out what was wrong with him or what was different about him. Why did it bother her so much that Spike was so cold to her was unknown. Why was she doing what she was doing went unanswered. There was one thing she was sure of though; the cold, emotionless, and disdainful look that the Vampire had given her earlier was discomforting and made her uneasy. 

The two of them had been on pretty civil terms since the break up. So why would Spike look at her with contempt now? After all, she only accused him of spying on her with a camera and that can't be the reason for his behaviour, can it? She suddenly felt the need to apologize to him and tell him it was Warren and his friends all along. 

The tiny blonde woman finally got dressed for her 'patrol' and shoved a few stakes into her pockets. Satisfied with herself and feeling fully armed, Buffy left her house and headed for the cemetery. 

*** 

"Uh... nice place," Darius said awkwardly as Spike allowed him into his crypt. They had been pretty quiet since they left the alley and felt the need to break the silence. 

Spike stalked toward the TV and grabbed the little blue card that lay on top of it. He chucked the card at Darius nonchalantly. "That's the spell I used on myself. Read it. Tell me what it does." 

Darius caught it and read the incantation under his breath. "Two things. One, this looks like a love spell of some sort." He noticed the what-are-you-talking-about look on Spike's face when he mentioned 'love spell'. "I know because it involves Eros, the God of Love." 

The blond tried to look calm and casual. "Know EXACTLY what it does?" 

"Um, sort of... no. It's in Al Bhed and I can't read the language." Darius tossed the card back to him. 

"Don't care what language it's in!! Just reverse the mojo and you can walk out of here!!" Spike snarled. 

"Fine," Darius sighed and reached inside his trench coat. He took out a bottle with blue powder in it. He removed the cap and marked a circle on the floor. 

Spike strode toward the eighteen year old and stood opposite of him. 

The black haired teenager pulled out two green leaves with silver markings from his pocket and set them at the middle of the ring. "Got a lighter?" 

The Ex-Vampire nodded and set the leaves on fire. 

When the leaves created a steady line of blue smoke, Darius chanted, "Let the spell be ended!" As soon as he mentioned 'ended', the small pile of burnt material made sizzling noises and blue sparks flew out of the smoke. "Watch out!! It's going to explode!!" 

The two black clad men jumped away before the spell made a small explosion. Smoke soon covered the crypt and breathing became an issue. The leather wearing duo rushed toward the door and stood outside to let the smoke clear out. 

"What the bloody Hell happened?!" Spike demanded. 

"It didn't work!! The spell you used probably can't be reversed," Darius supplied with a cough. "Just what kind of love spell was it anyway?" 

"Tell anyone about this and I swear I'll rip your arms off!!" Spike growled and said in a lower tone, "it was a numbing spell." 

"Numbing spell? Where are the ingredients? Knowing what the incantation is and with the ingredients, I might come up with a counter spell." 

"Gone. Used it all up. Bloody mojo was suppose to make me stop loving her..." the Ex-Vampire trailed off. 

The young man urged him to go on. "Yeah?" 

"It worked. But did more than that. Sunlight doesn't burn, got heart beats, the whole humanity bit." 

"Maybe you said a word wrong... but it's kind of hopeless knowing which one with you and me not being able to read Al Bhed and all. Or maybe you used too much ingredients. Spells do go boom when you use too much stuff, you know. It could also be because you're a vampire. A lot of love spells are intended for humans. Even then, they're not one hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed. Shouldn't really mess with things like emotions, memories, or things like that," Darius explained. 

Spike remembered Willow's screwed up memory spell. 'Randy Giles' was something that would stay with him for awhile. The peroxide blond felt like kicking himself right at that moment. He knew Magicks was dangerous. He should have known there would be consequences. 

Darius noticed the look of regret on Spike. "If I could, I'd turn you back into a vampire. But I'm not really into those kinds of Magicks. I specialize in spells that summon demons. I'm a Demoner. What are you going to do now? Are you going to let someone sire you?" 

"No," he said simply. Spike knew for a fact that he wouldn't go back begging to a vampire to be sired. It would be too humiliating on his part. He could just see it as if it was written on the front page of the newspaper; Spike, William the Bloody, gone human from a screwed up numbing spell. 

The Demoner said nothing and gave Spike somewhat of a sympathetic look. He just allowed him to absorb the news that the spell couldn't be reversed. 

"Why must everything I do go wrong?!! Nothing ever goes the way I want it to. Why?!!" he asked himself mentally and felt like the most miserable creature in the planet. 

_"It's because you deserved it!" _

"You deserve to die!!" 

"Go to Hell!" 

"Burn for all eternity!!" 

Spike closed his eyes and covered his ears as voices in his mind mocked and teased him. "What in the bleeding Hell is happening to me?!" 

_"Tell my mother I'm sorry." _

"It wasn't enough that you almost drained me... but you had to shove a railroad spike into my head!!" 

"My baby, oh God!! What have you done to her?!!" 

"Please let me go!! Please..." 

The voices soon came with images. Images of the people he killed, how he killed them, and how much mercy they begged for before they met their deaths. Guilt and remorse followed afterward and threatened to drive him into the brink of insanity. Spike sank on the ground on his knees and shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "No! No!! NOO!!!" he screamed. 

Darius took a step back. "Spike?" 

"Can't let them win... can't let them do this to me..." Spike felt like his whole body weighed a ton, heavy with guilt. It felt like it was in flames and he couldn't put it out. He let out a choked sob as his soul, his conscience, hit him hard with remorse and regret for the destruction and havoc he had caused in the past. It was all too much to take that Spike expected himself to explode at any moment. 

"Spike? What's wrong?" Darius questioned with a frown. 

"Can't let them win... can't let them take me to Hell..." he repeated the phrases in his head again and again to comfort himself. The pain subsided a bit. Spike concentrated harder and focused his thoughts on something else. "Think 'Passions... think 'Passions'..." he chanted and the guilt, remorse, voices, and images vanished. Spike stood up and let out a sigh of relief. 'They' were gone for the moment but he knew that 'they' would be back. Nothing was ever easy for him, ever. He had to keep his mind occupied so his thoughts won't drift back to 'them'. He needed something to keep himself busy. The peroxide blond turned around and ran into the shadows. 

"What was happening to him?" Darius whispered to himself and went after him. 

"Need a spot of violence. Nothing beats a good fight," Spike told himself and soon stopped when he felt a familiar presence around him. He saw Buffy stepped out of a bush and now walk toward him. 

"Spike, hey, funny meeting you here," Buffy started while she shifted her weight from foot to foot anxiously. "You see, ah, um, I-I was looking for you and had something... important! Yeah, important, to tell you. It's about... about..." She suddenly looked away as she lost track of the speech she had mentally prepared on her way to the cemetery. 

"What is it, Slayer? Got places to be, you know?" Spike asked impatiently. He silently thanked himself that he managed to look and sound casual, cocky, and cold. The spell may have cursed him with a soul and humanity but at least it still served its original purpose. Yay. 

Buffy almost flinched at the tone of his voice. "It's about the camera. I was wrong about it. It was Warren's. I-I'm sorry," she told him quickly. 

"Apology accepted," he nodded. He then started forward and went past Buffy. 

"Spike?" Buffy called out tentatively. 

He turned around to face her. "Yeah?" 

"Y-you seem different somehow. Not new hair style kind of different or new clothes kind of different but the feely kind of type. Y-you feel different. W-what did you do?" she babbled on. 

Spike contemplated what to say. He couldn't choose between; "Guess what, Slayer? I don't love you anymore. Did a mojo on myself, I did. And, ah, oh, I'm a human now too." or "Hey there, if it wasn't for Dawn, I'd chop your head off and mount it on my wall because, you know, I don't love you." 

"Spike, tell me. I need to know," she said, her voice almost commanding and persistent. 

Spike smirked evilly. "Little Slayer wants to know what's different? Well then... guess it's now or never." 


	3. Still In The Dark

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Three : Still In The Dark 

"Spike!!" Darius called out as he ran after the Ex-Vampire. Shortly, the Demoner spotted Spike with a blonde woman. He went up to them and froze on his tracks when he realized it was the Slayer that Spike had been talking to. 

Buffy turned to face Darius and studied him. She put her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow. "Are you the president of the Spike Fan Club? I'm sorry but you have to wait for that autograph. I'm talking to him right now." 

Darius shook his head quickly. "N-no. No autographs. I'm not part of any fan clubs." 

"What do you want then?" Buffy asked, annoyed at being interrupted. 

"Going to see Clem for a game of poker, we were," Spike supplied and made a look at the eighteen year old that told him to go along. The peroxide blond had decided not to tell Buffy about his little secret, yet. He would let her stew for awhile, get her worked up and then tell her. 

"Yeah. Going to see Clem for a game of poker," Darius echoed and hoped he sounded convincing. 

"Oh," she chuckled embarrassingly and looked dumbfounded. She waved her arm at the young man for emphasis. "It's just... you know, the clothes and all. Ha." 

"Well then. Should get going," Spike announced and made a curt nod at Buffy. He motioned forward with his head for Darius to follow and turned around. "Night, Slayer." 

"Yeah. Good night," Buffy replied in a low voice and watched Spike and Darius disappear into the shadows. 

*** 

"Can't play poker," Darius admitted while they walked down an empty street, a safe distance from Buffy. "Only solitaire and asshole." 

Spike rolled his eyes and spat on the sidewalk. "Not playing poker, you git. We're going to kick some demon ass." 

"You sure? You seemed a little... not so okay back there." 

The Ex-Vampire smirked a cocky smirk. "Oh, I'm fine. Better than ever. Keep your senses open for nasties, mate. Evil's afoot." 

"Whatever," the Demoner shrugged and reached inside his duster. "Here. Catch." He pulled out two stakes and tossed one over to the older man. 

Spike narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Darius. "Just what in the bleeding Hell are you packing in there?" 

Darius laughed nervously. "Not much... it's just... you know, you'll never know when you'll become someone's dinner. Gotta be prepared." 

"What kind of demon are you? That even your real form?" 

"Me?! Oh... I'm a..." 

As if on cue, the eighteen year old was cut off by a piercing scream from a nearby alley. The two black clad men forgot all about their conversation and bolted toward the source of the scream. 

The leather wearing duo found a girl, about fifteen years old or so. She had blonde hair with pink highlights on her bangs. The damsel in distress was huddled in a corner, trapped by two vampires, one male and one female. 

"There's our villains," Spike said and tightened his hold on his stake. 

The two vampires whirled around to face who had come to disturb their dinner. 

"We saw her first, Spike. She's ours!" the vampire man hissed, his voice territorial and possessive. 

"And it's not like you can bite her. Run along now, gramps," the vampiress laughed cynically. 

The Ex-Vampire took a step forward with a malevolent grin. "Make me." 

Darius remained where he was with his arms crossed over his chest. ". . ." 

With an angry growl, the vampire man darted forward only to have a stake run through his heart. Meanwhile, Darius had thrown his stake at the vampiress and hit her in the heart. 

Spike let out a snort and shook his head in disgust. "Stupid gits," he muttered. 

Darius slowly walked toward the frightened girl and knelt down in front of her. "You okay? No blood loss or bite marks?" 

The girl nodded and smiled weakly. "Name's Cassie. Thank you... and I'm okay." 

"It was nothing." The Demoner helped Cassie stand up and went over to Spike. "THAT was boring. Free kill. Wouldn't exactly call it demon ass kicking." 

"Yeah." Spike shrugged in agreement. "But what'd you expect? Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum were just fledglings. There's better baddies out there that we could pound." 

"Spike!!" a familiar voice cried out. 

Spike and Darius turned around to face the owner of the voice. 

"Slayer, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were following me," Spike said with a cocky smirk and an arched eyebrow. 

Buffy's eyes widened a bit and opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Yes, she had been following Spike. Why do such an act? She didn't know herself. What was it about Spike that made her do things she normally wouldn't do? The Slayer then closed her mouth and took a breath to compose herself. 

"I-I wasn't following," she retaliated defiantly. "I saw you fighting vampires. Thought I should step in. It IS my job you know, being the Chosen One and all." 

Spike fought the urge to burst out laughing. "You saw us fighting in the alley? And ALL the way from the cemetery? Bloody Hell, Slayer, your eyesight's getting pretty good. I better watch out." 

Buffy felt her cheeks go pink and took a chance to change the subject. "What happened here?" she asked while she kept her eyes away from the Ex-Vampire's. 

The peroxide blond nudged his head at Cassie. "This bird here was about to be dinner. Thanks to yours truly, she's safe with all body parts intact." 

Buffy put her hands on her hips. "Since when did you become the champion of people, Spike?" 

Spike laughed at her obvious frustration. "What's wrong, Slayer? Afraid of a little competition? Afraid I can rescue kitties from trees faster than you before someone could dial 911?" 

"Don't flatter yourself," she shot back angrily. 

The peroxide blond thought she looked cute and adorable with the look of incomprehension plastered on her face and the way her emerald green eyes shone with anger. "Hey, a little pat on the back for someone who just saved the day here." 

Darius smiled to himself with amusement as he watched Spike and Buffy throw barbs at each. "I wonder if they've always been like this?" he asked himself mentally. 

"Thanks again for saving me. I'll be going now," Cassie announced and started to leave. 

Spike and Buffy forgot all about their verbal war and stared at the girl. Buffy glared at Spike for a moment and turned away from him. 

"Let me walk you home. It's really late and I don't think you'd appreciate it if something tried to eat you again," the Slayer offered. 

Cassie glanced at the two leather clad men over her shoulder. "Watch your steps on your way back." 

The black wearing duo considered what the girl said for a moment and ignored it. They just shrugged it off as the usual Sunnydale Hellmouthy weirdness. 

"What now?" Darius asked when Buffy and Cassie were gone. 

"Night's young, mate. Got more nasties to kill," Spike answered matter-of-factly. 

Darius said nothing and followed Spike as he headed toward the opposite direction of the girls'. The two crossed the street to get back to the graveyard. Before the men in black could set foot back on the sidewalk, they fell down flat on their stomachs, having tripped on a pot hole near the curb. 

"Bloody Hell!!" Spike cursed loudly. 

*** 

"Call another one," Spike ordered. 

Darius knelt down on one knee while heavy pants escaped from his lips, exhausted physically and spiritually. "I'm tired." 

Spike grinned proudly and sinisterly. It was mid afternoon and the two had spent most of the day sparring. When morning came, the peroxide blond found himself at the mercy of his soul and conscience. To keep himself from going insane, he had watched 'Passions' to keep his mind busy. When his favourite soap opera ended and having no alcohol at the moment, he had decided to go out to hunt down Darius and drag him to his crypt to spar. 

For someone so young and who used a lot of Magick, one would think that Darius was weak and frail but he was quite the opposite. He was strong, agile, and experienced in fighting, a good warrior in general. However, to Spike's disappointment, he had beaten the eighteen year old a little too easily, six times in a row. For unknown reasons, he could predict and expect his moves with little effort. The peroxide blond knew how, when, and where his attacks would come and how hard they would hit. 

When Darius couldn't fight anymore, Spike had him summon his devil dogs and flying demon monkeys, which he had all defeated with some difficulty. Now, the Ex-Vampire just beat his last devil dog and wanted to pound another one. 

"Fine take a break," Spike scoffed and sat down on the stone sarcophagus. "You weren't that bad... for a kid." 

Darius stood up and shot him a dirty scowl. "I'm NOT a kid!" he said stubbornly. "I'm eighteen years old, an adult by law. I could watch rated R or X movies and go to strip clubs if I wanted to and it'll be legal." He paused and then went on. "Oh... and I could also get a Visa credit card." 

Spike chuckled lightly. The 'kid' had fire in him. He liked that. "So, Demon Boy, can you summon anything else?" 

The Demoner stood up and plopped down on the couch. "I could raise a Sluggoth Demon but you wouldn't want a giant worm monster ripping your place apart, now do you? I could do sea serpents but it'll be pointless. Could also call a Vlakorados Demon, a dragon monster, but I don't have enough energy." 

"How about a Minotaur?" 

"Can't. Don't do humanoid demons, only beasty ones. They're harder to control and take up more energy. You'll just have to find something else to do." 

The door then opened with a loud crash, which startled the duo a bit. Dawn came in and her face lit up when she saw Spike. 

"Hey, Spike," the Key greeted happily. 

"Nibblet," the Ex-Vampire nodded curtly and got off the sarcophagus. "What brings you here?" 

"Got out of school early. Buffy said I could hang out here till five," Dawn answered and noticed the other black clad figure in the room. "Who's he?" 

"A Demoner I met at Willy's," Spike replied. 

Dawn went over to the dark haired youth and sat down next to him. "Hi, I'm Dawn," she smiled. 

"I'm Darius," he responded calmly. 

"So, Bit, what've you been up to?" Spike asked as he seated himself on the armchair. 

"Not much. Me, Buffy, Willow, and Tara are taking Xander out tonight to cheer him up," Dawn supplied. 

The peroxide blond cocked an eyebrow. "What for?" 

"He's depressed over dumping Anya at the altar. He realized what a big mistake he made now that Anya won't talk to him or anything." 

Spike laughed. "You know, I've always wondered how the Crack Team foiled all of my plans in the past." 

"Willow and Tara are back together, that's something good that's happened in the past few weeks." 

"Good for them. Always had a soft spot for the Wicca Lovers. Up for a game of rummy?" 

Dawn's eyes sparkled. "Sure. I've gotten pretty good." 

Darius stood up. "I better be going." 

"Wait! You can play rummy with us," Dawn suggested. 

"Don't know how to," the Demoner admitted sheepishly. 

"We can teach you," the Key offered. "Right, Spike?" 

"Guess we could, Nibblet," he agreed and pulled out a deck of cards from his duster's inside pocket. 

"Fine." Darius went back to his seat and picked up his cards as Spike dealt them. 

The afternoon passed by quickly for the trio. After the game of rummy, Spike and Darius sparred some more while Dawn did her homework. When the Demoner was finally completely worn out, he bid farewell and left. Spike and Dawn spent the rest of the day watching TV and didn't notice the hours pass by. 

Suddenly, the door to the crypt slammed open with a loud bang and Buffy strode in, all anxious and worried. 

"Spike!! She hasn't come home yet!! Have you..." the Slayer said and trailed off when her emerald green eyes found her little sister. "...seen Dawn..." 

A look of panic fell on the teenager's face. "Oh God! Buffy!! I'm so sorry! I lost track of time!" 

Buffy put her hands on her hips and tried her best to imitate Joyce's motherly and reprimanding face. "It's 6:30 You're late. VERY late." 

Spike stood up. "Don't be too hard on her, Slayer." 

The blonde woman rolled her eyes and said nothing. Why did she have to be the bad guy in this situation? 

Dawn packed up her things quickly and went over to her big sister. "Thanks for letting me hang, Spike. See you around," she smiled. 

The peroxide blond nodded with a grin. "Anytime, Little Bit." 

"Come on, let's go. Willow and Tara are waiting for us." Buffy turned around and walked out of the room with Dawn following behind her. 

Spike watched the Summers girls leave and picked up his duster from the armchair. He put it on and counted how much money he had in his pockets. Tonight, he had planned on going to the Bronze to get drunk, just a little experiment to see how much alcohol his human body could take. Deciding that he had enough cash, the Ex-Vampire left his crypt and sauntered into the night. 

*** 

Spike chugged his third mug of beer and was surprised that he wasn't a little bit tipsy, yet. The Ex-Vampire leaned back on his chair and looked up to the ceiling. He sighed happily and smiled. Life was good. He wasn't Buffy's whipping boy anymore. He was having a great time for once in a very long time. If only his soul would stop torturing him with guilt and remorse every now and then, everything would be perfect. 

Having finished his plate of spicy buffalo wings and wanting more booze, Spike stood up from his chair and stalked toward the bar. He ordered another plate of wings and a mug of whiskey. The blond sat on one of the bar stools and surveyed the crowd while his order was being prepared. 

He found the Scoobies at the dance floor, swaying with the fast, upbeat music that the band played. Xander danced with Willow and Tara while Buffy with Dawn. His sapphire blue eyes came to rest on the blonde woman. She wore a red, long sleeved shirt and black tight pants. Spike remembered the outfit; it was the one she wore when they kissed at the back alley of the Bronze. He watched Buffy bounce up and down with intensity and desire in his icy blue orbs. The feisty woman had a lot of fire in her and he was more than tempted to go up to her and ask her to dance with him. He could dance with her all night and never get tired of it. He... 

Spike stopped himself before he could continue the thought. What just happened? Why was he looking at Buffy? Why couldn't he stop looking at Buffy? The Ex-Vampire shook his head a bit before the Slayer could completely take over his thoughts. 

"Something wrong?" an all too familiar voice asked. 

Spike turned to his left and found Darius with a plate of fries and a large cup of ice cappuccino. "Well, well, if it isn't the Demoner." 

"Spike," Darius greeted with a nod. "What's wrong? You look like your night's been ruined." 

"Could say that." The blond reached for one of the youth's fries and shoved it into his mouth. "Can't take my eyes off the Slayer. Why?" 

Darius took a sip from his frozen beverage. "Come on, just look at her. You ARE straight, right?" 

The Ex-Vampire let out a growl and gave him a threatening sneer. "Don't even go there, KID. I'll rip your head off and feed your rotten carcass to Fyral Demons." 

"I'm NOT..." 

"...a kid. Heard the tune before. Memorized it even. Do you want the sheets?" Spike stole another fry from Darius. "So tell me, Demon Boy, what's with the Slayer? Don't think the spell wore off. 'Cause I still need to breathe and all that rot." 

"Simple. You're attracted to her," Darius told him as if it was the most obvious answer with mischievous glint in his dark brown eyes. 

"B-but how?! The spell..." 

"...probably wiped out whatever love you felt for her," the Demoner shrugged. "But that doesn't mean you can't be attracted to her and fall in love with her all over again." 

"Bugger." 


	4. Possession

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Four : Possession 

"Help me!! Somebody!!" Amy screamed as she was dragged out of a dark alley by two vampires. "Let me go!! Get your dirty hands off me!!" the former rat girl cried out. 

The demons looked at the girl, then at each other and contemplated if they should gag her. 

"Better do what the lady says, mates," a deep, British voice said from behind. 

The vampires turned around to find Spike, hands deep inside his duster's front pockets with a sardonic grin and Darius right behind him with his arms crossed over his chest. The two let go of Amy and took a step forward. 

With a yelp, the girl bolted to the other side of the street and hid behind a lamp post. 

Spike darted forward quickly and staked one of the vampires. The peroxide blond's eyes widened and his jaw dropped a bit in surprise when the target didn't quite turn into dust. "What in the bleeding Hell is..." 

He was cut off as the staked vampire punched him across the face and sent him flying toward a trash can. The demon yanked the stake out of its heart, crushed it, and stalked toward Spike with an angry snarl. 

"It's starting..." Darius thought and went into a fighting stance as the other creature circled around him. 

*** 

Buffy stirred the ice cubes around in her cup of diet coke lazily. She was alone on the table with her thoughts as her friends and Dawn were still at the dance floor. And her thoughts at the moment happened to be about a certain peroxide blond. She had known Spike for more or less than four years and she still couldn't completely figure him out. The British man was always full of surprises. 

When she was back in highschool, she was taught that vampires and demons lived only for bloodshed and destruction. Spike proved her wrong when he said he loved the world and didn't want it to end and helped her save the planet from Angelus. She believed back then that beings without souls can't love or feel emotions. The peroxide blond wonder proved her wrong again when he fell in love with her. And now, Spike had been giving her the cold shoulder and felt different. Her Slayer senses still tingled whenever he was around but not like they used to. There was something strange about him. But what? 

"Lousy enigmatic vampire..." Buffy muttered to herself and slumped on her seat. 

The tiny blonde woman was brought out of her reverie when Willow, Tara, and Dawn came back and sat down with her. 

"Hey there, Buffy," Willow greeted with a smile and noticed her exasperated look. "Are you tired already?" 

"D-do you want to go home n-now?" Tara asked. 

"Nah... I was just... you know, thinking about someone... something. No biggie," Buffy answered with a fake smile. 

Dawn looked around. They seemed to be missing someone. "Hey, where's Xander? The band stopped playing to take a break." 

"Probably went..." Willow said but was interrupted when someone from the dance floor yelled out something. 

"EVERYBODY FORM A CIRCLE!!!" 

"...to get a drink," the redhead finished when they all saw Xander at the dance floor, singing and dancing by himself. 

"Put your left foot in. Your left foot out. Your left foot in. And shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey. And turn yourself around..." Xander sang while he performed the moves that came with the song though a bit clumsily. 

Tara giggled. "I-I didn't know Xander knew the Hokey Pokey." 

"He doesn't," Willow supplied with a frown. 

"Guys, how much alcohol did he have?" Buffy asked, puzzled but amused. 

*** 

"Damn that hurts..." Darius muttered to himself as he picked himself up from the ground after being thrown to a lamp post for the third time. 

The Demoner's whole body was sore and ached with pain. He was tired and battered. He had tried almost every attack and strategy he knew and managed to get a few good hits in but his opponent was much stronger than him. His opponent overpowered him in every aspect and he would be tonight's main course if he didn't come up with something soon. 

"If you can't beat 'em, burn 'em," Darius told himself as his vampire opponent growled smugly and started to advance on him slowly. The young man's pupils dilated and turned black as he put his right arm forward. "Super duper uber ouch ouch spell coming straight at ya!!" he taunted. A blast of flame flew out of his palm and hit the vampire right on the heart. 

The undead fiend screamed in agony as its whole body was set on fire. The blood sucker dropped to the ground and rolled around to extinguish the fire but it was too late. 

Darius watched the vampire transform into dust and sighed in relief. He then gasped, surprised to find his nose bleeding and his head spinning. "I've got to stop doing that trick... drains too much energy..." The dark haired youth collapsed on the ground on his knees and wiped the blood off of his nose. 

"You lose, wanker," Spike hissed as he managed to pin his opponent down and then break his neck. He stood up when his vampire enemy turned into dust and went over to Amy to see if she was injured or anything. 

"Um, uh, thanks for..." Amy started, a bit shyly. 

"Save it," Spike snorted. "Don't help the helpless. Just happen to be up for bloodshed." 

Darius went past the Ex-Vampire and knelt down in front of the girl. "Hey, you okay?" 

"Yeah... I'm fine..." Amy answered and added, in a very low voice, barely above whisper, "but I also kind of... wet my pants." 

Darius stood up and said nothing, not really knowing what to say. 

Spike on the other hand, snickered a bit and grinned at the former rat girl's embarrassed look. "Look, girl, better go home and change into something dry," he suggested in a mischievous tone. 

With that said, the Ex-Vampire sauntered back to the Bronze without looking back. He was more concerned with the vampires he had just encountered. They were immune to stakes and very strong. Only Master vampires like him possessed that much power and the two sure didn't look like it. Something was amiss... a new Big Bad come into town perhaps? 

Spike knew he had to alert Buffy though one part of his brain asked why should he. If Buffy met more of the super vampires and got killed because she was taken by surprise, it was none of his business. But another part told him it would be nice to do some good. It would ease some of the guilt that weighed his heart down, even if it was just a little. And then there was also that teeny, tiny small part of his head that just wanted to see the blonde woman. He could spend all night watching her from the shadows and drowning himself in her beauty just like he used to. He could... "Not going there," he scolded himself before he could continue the thought. "Just going to see the Slayer to talk, is all, not to make moon eyes," he tried to convince himself. 

The Demoner watched Spike go and turned back to Amy. "He's right. Better get out of here. More of their kind might come." 

Amy said nothing and remained still, too scared to move. 

Darius looked impatient. "Hey, lady, the minions of Darkness aren't coming this way to tell us about the neighbourhood bake sale," he snapped. 

The witch straightened herself up and turned her gaze away from his piercing dark brown eyes. "Uh... do you mind walking me home? After almost being eaten, I'm still a little... skittish?" 

"No, I don't," Darius relented. "Just lead the way." 

*** 

Spike entered the Bronze in the hopes of finding Buffy and was surprised to find the crowd a little more livelier than usual. He wondered what the hell was going and pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered around the dance floor. What he saw in front of him almost made him fall down and break into a fit of laughter and he would have if he didn't have a reputation to keep. 

Xander Harris was prancing and dancing around the dance floor like a ballerina. Spike watched in complete amusement as the brunette made an idiot out of himself while the rest of the audience whistled and urged him to keep the entertainment going. 

The carpenter then stopped momentarily and started doing the Snoopy Dance. The Ex-Vampire let out a small laugh and wondered what possessed Xander to humiliate himself. Was he drunk? Was the break up with Anya too much and he went insane? Either way, Spike was enjoying the show too much to care and mentally berated himself for not bringing a camera. Maybe if he ran fast enough he could buy or steal one and make it back to take some pictures for blackmail purposes. 

Spike turned around to leave but then found the Scoobies at the other side of the club. Their faces were a mixture of amusement, confusion, concern, and horror. He wondered why they still hadn't dragged Xander out of the dance floor after all this time. Too shocked maybe? 

Just when the Ex-Vampire thought things couldn't get any better, the brunette got on all fours and started to sing the Scooby Doo theme song. The peroxide blond thought the carpenter had really lost it and looked at him closely. Xander's eyes were filled with nothing but fear. He looked like he was aware of what he was doing but had no control over himself like he was possessed or something. Something wasn't right. 

Finally, Buffy and her friends broke through the crowd and dragged Xander out of the Bronze. Spike followed the Scoobies and watched from afar as the four girls talked to the carpenter. 

"Xander, what happened to you?" Willow asked, still a little shaken from her best friend's performance. 

"God, how much did you drink?" Buffy added. 

"N-no... no alcohol induced behaviour back there..." Xander replied quickly and started to sweat heavily. 

"He's right. Something w-wasn't right back there," Tara supplied. 

Dawn frowned. "Then what was it?" 

"I don't know! It felt like someone was playing around with my body... like I'm a puppet and someone was pulling my strings. Oh God, I can never go back there! I made a complete idiot out of myself!" he cried out, near hysteria. 

"You ARE an idiot, you ponce!" Spike thought from his hiding place. 

"Think it might have been a possession spell or something?" Willow questioned. 

Tara nodded. "It could be now that you mentioned it. I felt something back there... something dark. Whatever it was, it's not the kind of Magick Willow and I use." 

"Look, Xander, go home and get some rest. Tomorrow, we'll research this at the Magic Box, okay? Everything's going to be fine," Buffy assured. 

"Thanks guys," Xander smiled weakly. "I don't know what I'd do without you." 

Buffy and Willow gave their best friend a group hug and headed for home. 

Spike watched the Scoobies leave and contemplated what Tara said. He did feel something dark back at the Bronze. He wondered who or what was strong enough to take control of a person's body. His guess was as good as anyone's. 

The Ex-Vampire emerged out of the shadows and headed toward his crypt. With all of the excitement gone, he suddenly felt tired and battered. The peroxide blond decided to turn in for the night and hoped he wouldn't wake up dancing like a moron. 

*** 

The following day, the Scoobies met at the Magic Box and looked up books that might carry information about possession spells. Buffy, Willow, Xander, Tara, and Dawn had spent two hours reading books while Anya took care of the customers as usual. 

"Ugh, I can't find anything about a possession spell," Dawn groaned and leaned back on her chair. "It's hopeless." 

"No, it's not hopeless. We have to find something to stop this. I don't wanna do the Hokey Pokey again," Xander grimaced. 

"My brain's tired. Maybe we should take a break before our brains turn all mushy," Buffy suggested and closed the volume she had been looking at. 

"Yeah, mushy's not healthy," Tara agreed. 

"Hey, look at this," Willow called out to the others, who had been researching with her laptop. "This is so weird." 

The rest of the gang gathered behind her. 

"What is it?" Xander asked anxiously. 

"They found a dead man at the Expresso Pump last night. According to this, he died from internal bleeding. His stomach had ten punctured holes," the redhead answered. "And here's another one, except this one was burned to death. Eye witnesses claimed that he just combusted into flames. Poof! Just like that." 

The carpenter arched an eyebrow. "And this is related to me doing the Snoopy Dance in public because..." 

"...it sounds like you've been cursed by a Voodoo spell," Anya interjected, having finished making a sale and joining the group. 

"Voodoo?" Xander frowned. 

"Yes. There's someone out there controlling you with a doll. And sooner or later dancing will be the least of your worries. Whoever cursed you might stick needles in your gut or burn you with a candle, putting you out of commission permanently," the Vengeance Demon stated casually. 

Xander paled and looked ready to faint at any moment. "We... have t-to do something! I-Is there anyway to reverse it?" 

Anya smiled brightly and then looked malevolent. "Don't look at me, HARRIS," she said with venom and acid in her voice. "Playing with dolls to torture men isn't my style. I'd rather put warts on a man's penis." She then whirled around and returned to the counter to greet a new customer. 

The brunette man looked at his friends with hopeful eyes. "Guys, please tell me you have a plan. Because me dying is not of the good." 

Buffy and the others hesitated to speak up and just exchanged glances with each other. 

"Guys? How are we going to save me?" 

Buffy stood up and put on a determined face. "Tara, Dawn, you two find anything that could counter Voodoo spells. Willow, see if there were anymore victims last night and check for leads on who could've done this. I'll go see Spike and see if he can help." 

"What about me?" Xander asked nervously. 

"Uh... you just stay here... you know, just in case the Voodoo man or lady thing person decides to pull your strings again," the Slayer instructed and headed for the door. "See you guys later. I'll be back in a few." 

*** 

Spike woke up from his slumber abruptly and sat up with a sigh. His heart pounded against his chest heavily. His body was covered with sweat. He panted and gasped frantically, desperate for air. He dreamt about 'them' again, except this time 'they' took him to Hell and burned him alive. The Ex-Vampire slumped forward and covered his face with his hands as a few choked sobs escaped his lips when a wave of guilt washed over him. 

He hated himself. He hated the world. He hated living. He hated having to live with nightmares of the people he killed in the past and having to carry the guilt and remorse that came with it. He knew he could always lose 'them' by focusing his thoughts on something else, getting drunk, or fighting demons. But he also knew he couldn't keep running away from his past for the rest of his mortal life. What kind of life would that be? 

The peroxide blond got off the stone sarcophagus and put on some clothes. He then stalked out of his crypt and breathed in the fresh air, as fresh as it could get in the graveyard. Spike leaned against a headstone and looked up to the bright blue sky. 

He wondered what he should do with his life now. Beating down demons, going to clubs, winning games of poker or pool, and running away from his past wasn't much of a life; that was his vampire self's life. He was mortal now and had to make a few adjustments. He knew it was going to be hard but not impossible. If someone like Anya could do it, so could he. 

Spike's body suddenly tensed up and felt a familiar tingling at the back of his neck. 

"The Slayer's coming," he whispered and ran back to his crypt. 

He still didn't want Buffy to know that he had changed from a screwed up spell, yet. The Ex-Vampire straightened up and forced himself to look casual as his extra senses told him Buffy was closing in. A few seconds ticked by and the tiny blonde woman entered his home as expected. 

"Slayer," the peroxide blond greeted in a neutral tone. 

"Spike," Buffy replied automatically and took a step closer toward him. 

"What brings you here?" Spike asked. 

"I... we need your help. Weird things happened last night." 

"No kidding," the Ex-Vampire snorted with a small grin at the memory of Xander prancing like a ballerina. 

Buffy remembered it too. "Yeah... weird things," she chuckled. "Um, the guys think there's someone in town casting Voodoo spells." 

Spike tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. "And you think that explains why the Glorified Brick Layer was acting more of an idiot last night, I wager." 

"Y-you saw?" Buffy sputtered. 

"Yeah. Caught at least half of the show. Too bad I don't own a bloody camera." 

The Slayer didn't know what to say to that and remained quiet. She then started to shift from foot to foot as the silence between them began to feel awkward. "So... um, are you going to help me... err, us find out who's the doll master? You in or out?" 

"In," he nodded with a smirk. "Meet you at the shop when the sun sets?" 

"Yeah. Sure. It's a dat... we'll be there. And then we could hit the demon bars," she suggested and quickly added, "...to pump out information." 

"Fine. I'll be there and get some help too. Know this bloke that does hocus pocus." 

"Okay. That's good. The more the merrier." 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah." 

"I'll be there." 

"I'll be waiting." 

"At sunset," they both said at the same time. The two looked away from each other as the awkward silence spread across the crypt again. Spike shoved his hands into his duster's front pockets and started to fidget with his fingers. Buffy did likewise when she put her hands behind her back. 

"So... I guess I better be going now. Gotta keep an eye on Xander," Buffy announced with an uneasy chuckle. 

"You do that... but do take a picture if he does the Snoopy Dance," Spike requested with a small smile. 

"I'll try... but I'm not promising anything." 

"Won't get my hopes up." 

Another awkward silence. 

"I'll be going now 'cause... yeah." Buffy whirled around and walked toward the door with Spike right beside her. "So, um... yeah. Later." 

"Later," he nodded curtly and watched her leave. The Ex-Vampire closed the door gently and went over to the couch. He plopped down on the furniture and ran his hands through his hair. "What have I gotten m'self into?" 


	5. Relinquished

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Five : Relinquished 

Spike stood right outside of the Magic Box and stared at the door knob. He contemplated whether he should go in or just ditch the Scoobies and find the Voodoo spell caster on his own. He knew Buffy was in the shop, he could feel it and she did say that she would be waiting for him in there. 

He was attracted to her. If he wasn't careful, attraction could grow to adoration and that could lead to love and it is back to square one. He couldn't let that happen after all of the trouble he went through. He couldn't go back to being a love sick Vampire or Ex-Vampire rather and have the Slayer break his heart all over again. 

Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Just going to work with the Slayer, is all. Nothing more." 

The peroxide blond focused his thoughts on why he was standing outside of the Magic Box. He was there to help Buffy and her friends. If he concentrated on the job at hand and not on the beautiful blonde woman, the whole night could go on smoothly. Comforted by that idea, the Ex-Vampire entered the shop. 

All of the Scoobies' heads shot toward the door, who were all seated at the research table, when they heard the bell jingle and then saw Spike enter in his cocky, predatory manner. Buffy got up from her chair and went over to the British man to greet him. 

"Spike, hey. You're here," Buffy greeted in a casual tone. 

"Slayer," Spike replied with a nod. 

She looked past the peroxide blond to see if there was anyone behind him. "Uh... I thought you were bringing help. I don't see anyone with you." 

"Couldn't find him," the Ex-Vampire shrugged like it didn't matter. "It's just you and me tonight." 

The Slayer looked away from him, not too thrilled with that idea. "Yeah... you and me." 

"So, you got any plan, Slayer?" 

"Kind of..." Buffy answered and went back to the other Scoobies with Spike a few feet away from her. "Anya said that if we kill the Chobbor, the Voodoo curses will be broken." 

"That's 'Bokkor', Buffy. A practitioner of Voodoo," Anya corrected from her seat. 

"Whatever," Buffy said and continued to tell Spike the rest of her plan. "Anyway, Tara found a spell that'd protect Xander from the curse. Tara chants the protection spell while Willow, Anya, and Dawn keep an eye on Xander to make sure he doesn't do any dancing or more. Meanwhile, you and me will seek out the Bokkor and kill it." She paused for a second and smiled brightly. "Or hurt it. Hurt it real bad if it's human." 

"Sounds like a plan. Better be going then," Spike suggested and headed for the door. 

Buffy faced her friends. "You guys, ready?" She received five nods. "Good," she smiled. "We'll be heading out now and bust up someone's doll party." 

The Slayer turned around and exited the Magic Box. She found Spike waiting for her by the lamp post. 

"Ready?" she asked. 

"Always," he smirked as they began to walk. "So, how are we going to find the resident Bokkor?" 

"Don't know," Buffy replied dryly. "But it might be a clue if you start doing the Hokey Pokey." 

Buffy still wasn't comfortable being alone with Spike. She didn't really want his help with all of the things that had happened to them recently but she had no other choice. Like it or not, Spike was a very valuable and helpful ally to the Scoobies. And then, there was also that strange feeling that was associated with the peroxide blond. There was something off about him. She wanted to ask him what but didn't really know how to attack the question with them in the middle of Bokkor hunting. 

"I resent that idea, Slayer," Spike retaliated in a slightly threatening voice. 

"It's just an idea," she countered defensively. "Until last night, I've never seen anyone under a Voodoo spell. Have you?" 

"Of course. Seen a lot of things with Dru over the past years... all kinds of people, demons, places... a lot of things." He stole a quick glance at Buffy. She had her gaze on the sidewalk, trying to hide the small trace of jealousy in her emerald green eyes. He hid a smile. "I've seen people fall under Voodoo curses before. But to actually see someone cast the spell, no. So, you want to hit Willy's place first?" 

"Good place as any," Buffy agreed. 

"Heads up!" Spike announced suddenly and darted to the other side of the street. 

Buffy followed the Ex-Vampire and found him towering over an unconscious woman on the sidewalk. The Slayer knelt down next to her and felt for her pulse on her neck. 

"She's cold," the blonde woman stated. 

"But this bird's still alive," the British man told her. "She needs help. Heart beat's really weak." 

Buffy knit her brows together, incomprehension plastered on her face. "What?" 

"Vampire hearing," he supplied. 

"Right," she nodded and stood up. "I'll go get some help." 

Spike watched Buffy rush toward a nearby phone booth and contact 911 He heard her tell the authorities about tonight's victim and their location. 

"What do you think happened to her?" Buffy asked when she returned. 

"Our nasty found a new puppet, I wager," he answered nonchalantly. "The doll that represents her was probably stuck in a freezer or something." 

"Help is on the way." She sighed in exasperation. "Just hope Xander and the guys are okay." 

*** 

Tara finished marking a circle on the floor at the back room of the Magic Box with her wonder chalk. She eyed Xander and motioned for him to step into the ring. "It's done." 

"This thing will protect me, right?" Xander asked, a bit doubtfully. 

"Kind of," Willow replied. "If the Voodoo mage sticks needles or anything pointy in your gut, it won't hurt you..." 

"But?" the carpenter urged hesitantly. 

"...but the Bokkor will still be able to control your body," the redhead finished. "Sorry. It was the only spell we could find." 

"But you don't have to worry about that. Me, Willow, and Anya will make sure you don't step out of the circle. As long as you're in the protection ring, you're safe," Dawn contributed cheerfully. 

"I say we just tie him up to a chair. It'll make my job easier!" Anya suggested mischievously. 

"Hey! I don't like that!" Xander complained. 

Willow, Tara, and Dawn rolled their eyes in exasperation while Xander shot his ex-girlfriend a mild dirty look. 

"What? I think it'd be funny watching Xander tied to a chair while he's possessed," Anya chuckled innocently. 

*** 

Spike and Buffy stood in front of a police officer, answering all of her questions regarding the unconscious woman. About five minutes after Buffy made the call, an ambulance and a police car arrived on the scene. The victim was immediately rushed to the hospital while the policewoman stayed behind to ask the blonde duo what had happen. 

"So, you didn't see who knocked her out?" the policewoman asked. 

"No. Just found her like that," Spike answered. 

"Any relations to the victim?" 

"No, sorry. It's the first time we've seen her," Buffy replied. "Is she going to be okay?" 

The officer wrote the information on her notepad. "Paramedics said she'd be just fine. But I don't know what would've happened if your boyfriend didn't find her when he did..." 

"He's NOT my boyfriend!!" 

"She's NOT my girlfriend!!" 

Spike and Buffy immediately looked at each other, surprised and somewhat embarrassed. Buffy thought for sure he would smirk and shoot a sarcastic, clever remark. Spike knew what she would say but didn't expect her to be surprised at his response. The two turned away from each other and then realized that the officer was still there when a few awkward seconds ticked by. Spike maintained a calm exterior while Buffy gave the policewoman a wan smile. 

The policewoman eyed the two with amusement. She really thought they were a couple because, well, they DID look like such a nice, perfect, happy pair of love birds. She thought that the two should have seen themselves at their outbursts and the way they looked now. The officer cleared her throat to break the spell and spoke up. 

"Well, thanks for your cooperation. If we need any further information, the station will be sure to contact you. Have a nice night," the officer said and left. 

As soon as the policewoman left, Spike and Buffy didn't know what to do next. They didn't know if they should stay put, continue the search, or just run away from each other. 

"So... um..." Buffy started. 

"Uh... yeah..." Spike trailed off. 

"To Willy's?" she blurted out. 

"Of course," he answered quickly and resumed their hunt. 

The two just kept silent as they headed toward the demon bar. Neither of them even looked at each other or tried to. They just kept their eyes on what was straight ahead and their minds on the job that needed to be done. After for what it seemed like to be the longest walk of their lives, the two finally reached Willy's and entered without another thought. 

The blonde duo immediately went up to the bartender and didn't waste any time. Spike grabbed its neck and shoved it roughly against the wall while Buffy stood next to her slaying partner with her hands on her hips in an intimidating manner. 

"Hey, Willy. What's up? Heard anything about a demon cursing this town with Voodoo spells?" Buffy inquired with faked friendliness. 

"N-no! Haven't heard anything about it!!" the demon answered desperately. 

From the look of Willy's frightened eyes, Spike knew he wasn't lying but decided to ask another question. "Two nights ago, a young Demoner came into town. Any idea where he is?" 

"H-he just came in. He's in the lounge at his usual spot." 

Buffy arched an eyebrow. "Demoner?" 

Spike dropped the bartender and faced the Slayer. "The bloke you met the other night. Name's Darius. He could give us a hand," he responded and stalked toward the lounge area. 

"Darius..." Buffy whispered, sampling and studying how the name sounded. "Has a nice ring to it," she thought and went after the peroxide blond. 

Spike found the eighteen year old at his corner like Willy said and wasn't surprised to see the dark haired youth arguing with two vampires. 

One of the vampires yanked Darius out of his seat by the lapels of his duster and growled angrily. "Cast another spell or reverse it," he snarled. 

Darius pushed the undead fiend away. "Hey! Watch the leather!" He smiled cynically. "And I told you, that spell wasn't one hundred percent guaranteed to work! But did you listen, no!" 

"Reverse it!" 

"Sorry, pal, but that was a one way spell. It doesn't come with refunds or exchanges so piss off!" the Demoner hissed. 

"Perform another one." 

"Pay up first," the eighteen year old demanded. 

"No way!" The vampire took out a knife. "Do it or else." 

"You want a Magick trick? Fine. I'll give you a Magick trick." Darius' face broke into a playful yet malevolent grin. "Bibidi..." he muttered as his eyes dilated and turned black while an invisible force threw the two vampires to the other side of the room. "Babidi..." A pair of stakes materialized above his shoulders and began to spin slowly. "BOO!" He motioned forward with his left hand and the stakes flew toward the vampires' hearts. He watched with satisfaction as his enemies combusted into dust and then noticed the two figures next to him. 

"Having fun, mate?" Spike asked in a neutral tone. 

"Spike. Slayer," Darius greeted them with a nod. "You two need anything?" 

"Heard anything about a Bokkor coming into town?" Spike questioned. 

"How am I suppose to know? I only got here two nights ago." The Demoner shrugged. "Don't even know that much about Voodoo. I don't play with dolls. I only play with beasty demons." 

"Really?" Spike cocked an eyebrow and eyed Darius as if the Demoner was some sort of sick pervert. 

The eighteen year old noticed the look the Ex-Vampire had given him and realized what he had just said. "N-no!! W-wait! That didn't come out right! Scratch that last part! I meant was I only SUMMON beasty kind of demons! Gross, Spike!" 

Spike laughed a bit and put up his hands defensively. "Hey, I'm not the one here who said, 'I only PLAY with beasty demons'." 

"You're a pig, Spike," Buffy said, disgusted, and looked impatient. "Look, Darius, you going to help us or what?" 

"Yeah, I think I can. Let's go outside," the embarrassed Demoner suggested. 

Spike and Buffy nodded in agreement and headed toward the exit. When the trio had stepped out of the bar, Darius reached inside his duster and fished out a black flute. 

"How in the bleeding Hell does he do that?! Fitting all those things in there," Spike thought. 

"What's that?" Buffy asked and pointed at the flute. 

"It's the Flute of Anubis," Darius supplied. "Watch." The Demoner took a deep, calm breath and played an other worldly tune for ten seconds. 

Before anyone knew it, a creature appeared out of nowhere and perched itself on Darius' shoulder. The summoned demon was pretty much an eyeball the size of a basketball with black bat like wings on its sides, duck like feet, and a red pupil. 

"Eww," Buffy grimaced. "What is that... that thing?" 

"It's an Ahrima Demon, Slayer," Spike informed. 

"He's right," Darius agreed. "This little critter can see and feel anything. It makes a great scout and hound. Anyway, if the Bokkor starts casting those spells, my friend here will pick up the Magick waves and track it down to its source." 

"Sounds good but it still doesn't change that the... the Chakichan is all eww," Buffy complained. 

"Whatever," Darius scoffed and looked at his pet. "Off you go," he commanded and the Ahrima took off from his shoulder. "Just follow him and you'll find your prey." 

Spike raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Not coming, mate?" 

"Got things to do," the Demoner told them. 

"Better not be something that harms humans or Evil," the blonde woman warned. 

"Don't worry. It's very Evil free, Slayer, ma'am, sir," Darius smiled weakly and went back to the bar. 

Spike and Buffy then whirled around and went after the Ahrima Demon in awkward silence as it manoeuvred around the town. The flying eyeball led the slaying partners in the industrial district. Shortly, the winged creature stopped in front of an old warehouse and waited for the blondes to catch up. When they did, it froze and faded out of existence. 

"Ooh, a warehouse," Buffy said in faked awe. "Perfect place to launch an Evil scheme." 

"Right," Spike responded dryly. "On with the killing then." He went up to the door and kicked it down. He waved his hand at the entrance. "Ladies first." 

Buffy entered the warehouse without a word with Spike not far behind. The room they were in would have been covered in complete darkness if it wasn't for the single lighted candle at the other side of the room. The two stopped on their tracks when they heard faint, continuous murmuring. 

Spike tuned in his night vision and found a demon at end corner. The demon looked like a male human except it had red skin and pointy ears. "There!" he pointed out and dashed forward. 

The Bokkor muttered something and the Ex-Vampire soon found himself pinned to the ground by Voodoo dolls, a lot of them. The dolls held down his feet and his arms. Another batch soon came and began to strangle him. 

"Spike!" Buffy yelled and didn't know if she should go after the mage, who had fled to the second floor, or help the British man. 

"Kill it!" Spike managed to cry out. 

The Slayer nodded and headed for the stairs. Spike would be fine. He was a vampire, he didn't need to breathe so it didn't matter if the dolls were strangling him, right? Little did she know that her partner downstairs did need oxygen now. 

"Slayer..." the Bokkor hissed when she caught up to him. 

Buffy went into a fighting stance and circled around her enemy. "I know when you bought those dolls, it said 'For ages five and up', but whoo! Aren't you a little too old for that sort of thing?" 

The demon jumped forward and threw a punch. 

She feinted to her left and caught the attack. "Guess not." She countered with a kick on the stomach and sent the enemy reeling backward. She went up to the demon and punched him across the face. The Slayer then gave her opponent a powerful high kick on the chin and broke his neck in the process. The demon fell on the floor and didn't get up again. 

With a satisfied grin on her face for a job well done, Buffy returned to the first floor and found Spike still laying on the ground. 

Spike sensed the Slayer come back and forced himself to slow his breathing. He had almost run out of air but luckily, the Bokkor was killed just right on the nick time. Buffy now loomed over him and reached for his hand to help him up. When her fingers brushed against his, he abruptly snatched his hand away and stood up on his own. 

Buffy knit her brows together. She could have sworn his fingers felt warm. Did she just imagine it? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Either way, it still didn't change the fact that Spike felt odd. It had been bugging her for the past two nights. She had to know why Spike felt different. She knew she just had to. Now was a good time for they were alone, just the two of them. 

Spike looked into her emerald green eyes and saw what she had been thinking. Now was a good time to retreat. "Good job, Slayer. You just saved Sunnyhell yet again. Pat yourself on the back," he said and headed for the door. 

"Spike, wait!! Where are you going?" she asked in a casual tone. 

"Back to my crypt. Told Clem we'd watch some movies after," he supplied and left. 

"Not this time," Buffy muttered to herself and bolted out of the warehouse. "Spike!!" she called out. 

The Ex-Vampire stopped on his tracks and turned around to face her, his duster billowing in the breeze in the process. He raised an eyebrow. "Still need something?" 

Buffy walked up to him slowly with a determined face. "Spike, that night, when you were hanging around with Darius..." 

He knew where the question was heading. He let out a small sigh and decided to finally tell her. She had to find out sooner or later. "Yeah?" 

She locked her emerald green eyes with his sapphire blues. She was somewhat disappointed and disturbed that they didn't burn with intensity, desire, and love like they always did. His eyes were hollow. Walls and barriers had come up and hid whatever emotions he felt at the moment. 

"You didn't answer my question. You felt different and you still do. There's something you're not telling me," she said and silently thanked The Powers that she managed to maintain a calm exterior. She knew whatever was coming wasn't pretty but she had to know. 

Spike snorted and looked sardonic. "You really want to know?" 

"Tell me, Spike!!" There was a hint of desperation in her voice. 

He smirked and shoved his hands into his duster's front pockets to fidget with his fingers. He was nervous and didn't really know how to start. He just hoped he looked calm and casual. "Fine. Guess you ought to know. You'll find out sooner or later anyways. Best if you hear it from me." 

She looked impatient and placed her hands on her hips defiantly. "Quit stalling." 

The peroxide blond paused for a moment and circled around her in a predatory manner. "That night... when you told me to 'move on', I did just that after you left." He gave her a sideways glance. 

No reaction from her. So far so good. 

He stood behind her now. "Went to the Magic Box, got some stuff, and cast a spell on m'self. A spell that'd make me stop loving you." 

Buffy almost jumped when she heard his voice from behind. A spell that would make him stop loving her? No, that couldn't be right. She faced him and studied his expression. There was nothing but sheer honesty there. She couldn't believe it. Spike didn't love her? She didn't know if she should cry or laugh. Buffy felt her knees go weak and leaned against a lamp post for support. 

"I did it all for you, Slayer. You told me to move on and I did, for you. I loved you enough to let you go... no matter how much it'd burn." There was pain, sorrow, and regret in his speech now. 

The Slayer took in a sharp, ragged breath when she felt her chest tighten. Her face paled as she tried to process what Spike had said. She refused to believe it. "No..." she whispered hoarsely. 

He gave her an accusing look. "What?! It's what you wanted, right?!" 

She shook her head and fought back the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes. "Spike, I..." 

His words were hurting her and he knew. He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, physically or emotionally. He wanted to stop and apologize but caught himself. As much as he hated it, the matter had to be settled, she had to know. He stalked forward so that he stood in front of her. 

"Stop. Don't say anything. You don't get to be the bloody martyr in this piece," he told her in a warning tone. "You're all I bloody thought about... Dreamt about... You were in my gut, my throat... I was drowning in you, Summers. I loved you. But. Not. Anymore." 

Sapphire blues gazed at emerald greens. Her green orbs were bright with unshed tears. He knew she had desperately tried to put her barriers up the whole time but failed as pain was etched across her features. 

He smiled painfully. "So that's my story. Jump up and down and march in the parade, Slayer," he laughed bitterly. 

Buffy glared at him for casting the spell on himself as a pair of tears rolled down her cheeks. But wasn't she the one that drove him to do it? 

Spike pushed away all of the pain and guilt he felt for hurting the blonde woman with his words and looked serious. "Don't have to worry 'bout me following you around. Don't have to worry 'bout me getting in your hair. Don't have to worry 'bout me at all. So from now, you can be good, be prim, be proper, be pure." 

With a nod, he walked away and then paused. He glanced at her over his shoulder and choked out, "Farewell, Buffy." 


	6. Confrontation

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Six : Confrontation 

Buffy was happy. At least she thought she should be. Her relationship with Dawn was back to normal. They were on good terms again. She had a stable job and bills weren't a problem anymore. But the best of all was that she had finally snapped out of her gloomy act. She got her fire back and returned to being 'normal' Buffy. 

It was funny and strange. Her sister, friends, and her 'ex-boyfriend', Spike, did everything they could to support her and help her deal with the whole 'I-was-ripped-out-of-heaven' thing. But it was Joyce all along, from her hallucinated world, who managed to penetrate her with her comforting words. 

_"Buffy, fight it! You can beat this thing. You're too good to give up. Be strong, honey. I know you're afraid. I know the world feels like a hard place sometimes, but you've got people that love you. Your dad and I, we have all the faith in the world in you. We'll always be with you. There's a world of strength in your heart, honey. I know there is. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself."_

Everything was perfect until Spike had to go and cast a numbing spell on himself. She remembered every single syllable of his speech and his words still hurt and burned deeply. Buffy felt like her insides were eaten away by acid and her heart ripped out by a rusty blade. 

She mentally berated herself for being in a world of pain. She knew Spike would just hurt her in the end like Angel and Riley did. She knew that people would abandon her if she opened up to them. She hadn't plan on letting the peroxide blond into her life but somehow, the persistent Ex-Vampire managed to get past her barriers and make a place in her heart and mind. 

_"But I'm in your system now. You're going to crave me like I crave blood. And the next time you come calling, if you don't stop being such a bitch, maybe I will bite you."_

But, really, she tried to push him away. She used every excuse she could and threw them at his face. She kept telling herself that he was an 'Evil soulless thing' that can't love. She kept telling herself that she just used him for sex. But she knew deep down that wasn't true. 

"I love... no, just feel. I feel for Spike," Buffy tried to convince herself but a tiny voice in her head told her that was a filthy lie. 

It was easier to admit that she just used him for pleasure than accept the fact that she did love him. But what if she did say that she loved him? It was only a matter of time before he up and left like his father, Angel, and Riley, right? There was no tiny voice to interrupt this time. As much as she hated it, she knew this case was different. She left him, simple as that. Her accusations of the love that he felt for her wasn't real finally pushed him away. Now, she had no one. 

_"Only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you, Pet! You got no one else!"_

She had no one to comfort her, love her, listen to her, make her feel safe and happy. Dawn and her friends couldn't provide that. They couldn't fill that empty void within her heart and soul. Only Spike could. She realized that now but he was gone. 

Buffy let out a heavy sigh and felt like breaking down into tears and sobs right in the middle of the sidewalk. The blonde woman paused and took a moment to compose herself. She couldn't cry now. She had to be strong for herself, her sister, her friends, for the world. If she started now, she wouldn't be able to stop. What kind of leader would she be then? 

The Slayer rounded a corner and decided to take an early morning walk. Maybe it would ease some of her pain or take her mind off of the peroxide blond man. She then stopped abruptly when she noticed she was in front of a very familiar clothing store. She put one hand on the glass window and stared at the white wedding dress on the display. 

_"Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on Earth."_

A small, sad smile crept on her lips as the dress brought back good memories. Sure, they were under Willow's spell but she and Spike were happy back then, very, truly happy. They weren't Vampire and Slayer at that time. With their differences cast aside, they were just a young, happy, simple couple that couldn't wait to get married. Why couldn't things between her and Spike be simple? Why did it always have to be complicated, painful, confusing? 

Buffy gave the dress a final glance and resumed her walk. After ten minutes, she passed by a church and another Spike related memory percolated through her brain. 

_"Well, first thing, I'd say we're NOT having a church wedding."_

They had a small argument about where the wedding should take place. The argument was nothing serious, really, it was just a playful one. She missed those verbal wars, the battle of wits, a contest to see who could come up with the most clever and quick retorts. 

Buffy shook her head in irritation. Her little walk wasn't working. She needed a new plan. Luckily, the Double Meat Palace was just across street. Maybe she should just eat her sorrows away, get really fat, and die from too much fast food cholesterol. The idea seemed appealing for the time being so she crossed the street to get something to eat but froze on her tracks when she remembered Spike's first visit in her workplace. 

_"You're not happy here. You don't belong here. You're something... You're better than this."_

He was right. She was the Slayer, the Chosen One, the saviour of the world. Someone like her who had sacrificed so much in life deserved a better job than flipping burgers and getting all greasy. But she needed the money. He had offered to help but she pushed him away like she always did whenever he wasn't convenient. 

The Slayer quickly turned around and ran away in frustration. She was headed for the cemetery. She had to kill something. She wanted to kill something, anything. Fighting always made her forget about the rest of the world whenever the adrenaline rushed through her veins. But not this time as she spotted a familiar crypt ahead of her. 

_"I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I'd done that ... even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't've had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course. But after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you."_

Buffy stopped running and felt her heart sank. His sapphire blue eyes were so full of love and adoration when he said those words. Now, it was quite the opposite. He had also stopped calling her 'Love', 'Pet', and even 'Buffy'. He only acknowledged her now as 'Slayer'. Was that what she was to him now? She wasn't a woman to him anymore but just someone who pranced around during the night and killed demons? The thought of it made her stomach churn and twist. 

The blonde woman let out a frustrated groan, stomped her right foot, and had the urge to pull her hair out. Spike, Spike, Spike! Everywhere she turned, he was there with those cheekbones, the slicked back peroxide blond hair, those sapphire blue eyes, that smirk, the washboard abs, the black clothes, and the whole cocky, confident, badass attitude. Every little corner of Sunnydale somehow reminded her of Spike. It felt like he was haunting her. 

Her head spun uncontrollably as she couldn't get the British man out of her head. In an angry, frustrated, confused huff, she whirled around and went home. 

Buffy entered the Summers household quietly and plopped down on the couch. She grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV on. However, much to her dismay, even the sofa brought back another Spike associated event. 

_"Hundred forty seven days yesterday... um, one forty eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?"_

With an exasperated growl, she stood up and shut the TV off. She then heard a sound coming from the kitchen and decided to investigate. She found Dawn at the kitchen island with a bowl of mixed cereals. 

"Hey Dawnie. Hungry much?" Buffy greeted with a smile. 

"Hey yourself," Dawn replied warmly. "Yeah, I got hungry so here I am." 

"It's three in the morning." 

"I've decided to redefine 'early breakfast'," the Key said. "So, did you and Spike kill the Voodoo person?" 

Buffy tensed at the mention of Spike's name and just stared at her little sister. It was probably because of the Ex-Vampire that Dawn was alive. If Spike had told Glory who the Key was, maybe Dawn wouldn't be sitting in front of her and eating cereals. 

_"Buffy... the other… the not so pleasant Buffy. If anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live with her being in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did."_

"Buffy? Hello?" Dawn called out while she waved a hand in the Slayer's face. 

The blonde woman snapped out of her reverie and frowned. "W-what? Did you say something?" 

"I said 'did you kill that Voodoo thing'?" The Key looked slightly annoyed for being ignored but her face softened a bit after. "Are you okay? Did you hit your head or something?" 

"Yeah... we killed it. It's gone now. No more dancing Xander... and I'm okay. Just tired. Really tired. I'm going to bed," Buffy babbled and turned around to leave. 

"Okay. Night Buffy," Dawn told her but received no response. The older Summers sister just headed for her room silently. 

Buffy paused half way through the stairs and felt her heart clench. 

_"I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man..."_

"But I do lov... didn't treat you like a man. I treated you like a thing. I'm the monster..." she whispered to herself sadly and climbed the rest of the steps. 

The Slayer went into her room and immediately lay down. She got under the covers and willed herself to go to sleep. Maybe she would get some peace in her slumber. 

*** 

Buffy woke up from her sleep after having dreamt of Spike. She sat up and growled in exasperation. She looked at her clock and it read 10:30 AM Today was her day off and she could sleep in but decided against it no matter how tired she was from last night's Voodoo hunt and her little talk with Spike. 

She then got out of bed, grabbed some clean clothes, and headed for the bathroom to shower. A few minutes later, she emerged out of the bathroom, feeling a bit refreshed but still heart broken. She went down to the kitchen to find Tara chopping up vegetables on the counter. 

"Morning Buffy," Tara greeted while she diced red peppers. 

"Hey..." Buffy replied weakly. She took a seat on the island and watched the Witch cut vegetables into itty bitty pieces. 

Tara noticed her friend's somewhat depressing mood no matter how hard she tried to cover it up. "Is everything okay with you, Buffy? You look so... so..." she trailed off as she couldn't find the right word to voice her thought. 

"Miserable?" Buffy proposed. 

"I was going to say exhausted. But, yeah, you look miserable. What's wrong?" Tara asked with genuine concern and took a seat next to her. 

The Slayer was torn between telling and not telling the Witch about her problem. She didn't really want to dwell on last night's events. But then again, maybe she would feel better if she talked with Tara. After all, she knew about her and Spike and didn't hold any grudges against the Ex-Vampire. She might be able to understand and help out in her little situation. 

"I-it's... it's nothing really..." Buffy lied but Tara didn't looked convinced. "Are Willow and Dawn around?" 

"N-no. They left for school," Tara supplied, worried now. "B-Buffy... I won't tell anyone." 

She looked away from the Witch. "It's about Spike." 

The Wiccan almost flinched at the mention of the peroxide blond's name. "Did he try to hurt you? What did he do?" 

Buffy faced her friend and shook her head slowly as the tears she had been holding back finally escaped her eyes. "He... Spike... doesn't love me anymore." 

Tara wasn't sure she heard her right. "What?!" 

"He doesn't love me anymore," she repeated sadly. "He used a spell on himself." 

The Witch didn't really know what to say. Aside from the fact that Spike and Buffy had been sleeping together, she didn't know anything else. Buffy had skipped the parts where she treated Spike like garbage and beat him up in the alley. "W-why would he do that? I thought he really loved you. He didn't find someone else, did he?" 

"No..." Buffy choked out. "I... I..." She couldn't do it. She couldn't tell Tara what a bitch she had been. She was afraid of what the Witch would think of her and how she would look at her. Would Tara still see her in the same light? 

The Wiccan put a hand on her arm and gave it a comforting pat. "Buffy... please tell me. I-I could help you." 

Buffy covered her face with her hands and broke down into sobs and little hiccuping noises as her barriers came down. "Oh God... how could I do that to him... I... Spike... I've been such a..." 

Tara got off her seat and hugged the weeping girl. "Sweetie, I... it'll be okay. I'll help you. But you have to tell me everything," she said soothingly as she stroke the Slayer's back to calm her down. 

Buffy placed her head on Tara's shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. "Don't forgive me... please... don't forgive me..." 

*** 

"I win!" Darius declared happily as he loomed over a fallen Spike. 

The two had spent most of the morning sparring in the crypt's basement. For the first time, the Demoner had finally defeated the Ex-Vampire though it was no easy victory. 

Spike stood up and brushed the dust off of his black shirt. "You only won 'cause you had help," he said matter of factly and pointed at the green, dog size spider creature behind the eighteen year old. 

"You said you wanted a better challenge so I decided to fight with my pet. Besides, you're lucky the Grimslaw Demon didn't rip your heart out," Darius countered and unsummoned the arachnid. 

"Like it had the chance," Spike snorted. 

"Spike! Anyone home? Spike!" a voice suddenly called out from above. 

The Ex-vampire frowned. "What's she doing here?" he muttered to himself and climbed up the ladder. 

"I wonder who's the guest..." Darius whispered to himself and went over to the other side of the room where his duster lay. 

He picked up the leather coat from the floor and then noticed a piece of paper beside Spike's stone chest. Curious, he stalked forward, took the paper in his hands, and read whatever was written on it. 

"It's a poem. Did he write this?" he told himself and raised an eyebrow. He then smiled mischievously, folded the paper in half, and shoved it into his duster's inner pocket. "Interesting..." 

*** 

"Glinda! What a pleasant surprise! Haven't stopped by since... never," Spike said in a faked welcoming tone when he saw Tara by the door. "What can Spike do for you? Slayer and the Crack Team get into trouble already?" 

Tara just stood still, not really sure how to confront the Ex-Vampire in his own home. 

The peroxide blond waved his hand at the couch. "Please do take a seat. You'd be more comfortable." 

The Witch smiled despite her nervousness. "Thanks," she told him gratefully and sat down on the sofa. 

Spike made himself comfortable in the armchair. "So, what brings you here? Slayer need something or did you want to talk about the latest dirty scoop on Martha Stewart?" 

"I-it's Buffy..." Tara answered in a small voice. 

The Ex-Vampire lost his cocky bravado and went into serious mode. "Yeah? What about Bitchy the Vampire Slayer?" 

"S-Spike... Buffy... s-she's hurt... you hurt her..." the Wiccan sputtered. 

The peroxide blond stood up from his chair angrily and eyed her menacingly. "Is that it?!!" he barked. "Slayer's in pain and you come here to blame it on me?!!" He scoffed and began to pace around while he shot Tara a glare every now and then. 

"But that's not new, is it?!" he hissed. "You bloody lot always come to me for help. But when there's something wrong and you can't figure it out, you just bust in here and play a round of Kick-The-Spike!!" 

He stopped pacing momentarily and faced the Witch. He put his hands on the sides of his face and faked a look of surprise. "Looky, there's a spy camera in our lawn! Who could've done this? Ooh, I know! It must be Spike!! He's Evil. He's soulless. He has no life. It must be him!!" he said sarcastically and resumed his pacing. "I swear... I don't even know why I put up with you humans." 

"Spike! J-just listen!" Tara snapped. She was usually a calm and timid person but the Ex-Vampire had worn down her patience quickly than she thought possible. 

Spike smirked at her outburst. But before he could say anything, Darius emerged out of the trap door and looked sheepish. 

"I think I better be going now. Hate to interrupt the picnic," the Demoner announced and noticed that Tara had been staring at him curiously. He avoided her gaze and looked defensive. "What?! What are you looking at?" 

Tara shook her head quickly. "N-nothing." 

"Well, later Spike," Darius nodded and left the crypt. 

"So, Glinda, what were you going to tell me? I'm all ears," he said coolly. 

"Buffy," Tara began and took a deep breath. "She told me EVERYTHING about you two... and about that spell you used on yourself. You... that really hurt her. She's in a lot of pain, Spike." 

"So, what do you want me to do?! Rub a magic lamp and wish that'd everything be okay?" He chuckled bitterly. "I got news for you, Glinda. That spell I used on m'self? It can't be reversed!" 

She refused to believe that. Despite the fact that their relationship was over, Tara knew that Buffy still had feelings for Spike, very strong feelings. It would break her friend's heart even more if she knew that the spell couldn't be undone. "N-no! There's got to be a way." 

"There isn't. Tried to undo the mojo m'self. It didn't work." 

"But what about Buffy? She's just crushed, Spike. You have no idea how miserable she is," she reasoned out. 

"What about me?!" he snarled. "This is what she wanted. I did this on m'self because she wanted it! Everything.... everything I did was for her, all for her. So don't come barging in here and ask me to fix it because this is her fault. She started this." He grinned evilly. "Come to think of it, this is your fault too! If you lot hadn't brought her back to life, she wouldn't be here, in Hell, suffering... in pain. I wouldn't be in pain. Am I right?" 

Tara winced and turned her gaze away from him. He was right. This was her, Willow's, Xander's, and Anya's mess to begin with. She shot him a guilty look and stood up. She knew she wouldn't be able to convince Spike to talk with Buffy. Without a word, she left the crypt quietly. 

Spike let out a frustrated roar. Him and the Slayer maybe over but the girl was still a pain. How could he completely move on if she hovered around and asked for his help? How could he move on if he was attracted to her? Sure, he didn't love her anymore but that could change quickly. It took him every ounce of his will power to keep himself from making moon eyes at her and checking out every curve of her body the previous night. And then there were also memories of the blissful nights he had shared with Buffy, which haunted him to no end if his dark past didn't. The crypt and the graveyard themselves were filled with countless of Buffy related events. 

Spike knew he couldn't move on in his current situation. He then went down to the lower level of his crypt and started to pack his things. He was leaving. 


	7. House Guest

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Seven : House Guest 

Spike sauntered across the cemetery under the moon and star lit sky. He went up a small, green hill and stopped in front of a headstone. He knelt down on one knee and reached inside his duster. He took out a flower and placed it in front of the gravestone. 

"Hey there, Glinda," he whispered with a small, sad smile. 

He had heard from Clem that Tara had been shot by Warren shortly after he left. He couldn't believe the Witch was gone. He couldn't believe he would never see her again after he had snapped at her and bit her head off. He felt guilty for it. 

"Sorry I snapped at you yesterday. But I want you to know I wasn't mad at you... I was just frustrated... confused with everything that happened between me and Buffy. Didn't mean for you to get caught in the middle." He stood up with a shaky breath. "Hope you're happy up there. Rest in peace, Tara." 

Spike turned around and found Buffy a few feet away from him with a calm and casual look. He had been so preoccupied with his thoughts about Tara that he didn't sense her presence. "Slayer... I was just visiting." 

Buffy crossed her arms underneath her chest and took a few steps forward. It had been almost two days since 'that' night and she was sure that she would never see Spike again. It felt like she had lost him forever when he said, 'Farewell, Buffy'. But here he was, in the flesh, right in front of her, talking. Frankly, when she first saw him, she didn't know what to do with him. She was torn between throwing herself at him and never let go or punching him in the nose for leaving or just standing still. She was glad that he made the first move. 

"You heard?" was all she could say. 

He perched himself on a headstone and tried to look nonchalant. The Ex-Vampire felt the same as the Slayer. He wasn't ready and prepared to deal with her should their paths cross again. He was just grateful that Buffy was being civil. "Yeah. Clem told me." 

Buffy leaned against a gravestone, across from Spike. "I came by at your place the other day to drop off Dawn after Tara was shot. You weren't there. Clem said you left town. Where did you go?" 

The question took him by surprise though he kept his guard up. He couldn't believe she was interested in something other than shagging, punching his nose, or pumping him for information about demons. "Went to L.A. to see someone." 

"See who?" she asked, a bit curiously. 

"Some guys. Had them transfer my bank accounts from England, Prague, and Brazil to the one I have here in Sunnyhell." Actually, it was more than that. Now that he was human, he had some contacts forge papers for him about his origin, medical records, immigration papers, everything. But she didn't need to know that, yet. 

She raised an eyebrow questioningly. "You left to get money?" 

"Yeah. Got enough of it to last me for a couple of years. Really needed it. Got m'self a nice flat with brand new furniture and everything. S'not too far from your house actually. And the landlady's setting up my place as we're talking." 

She smiled hesitantly. "That's... nice." 

He returned the gesture. "Thanks." 

Both of them said nothing for awhile and the awkward silence settled in. The two of them didn't know what to do or say next. Spike then decided to divert the attention away from him and changed the subject. 

"So... how's Red?" he inquired tentatively. 

Buffy sighed in relief inwardly. She had started to get uncomfortable with the noiselessness between them. "She left for England with Giles this afternoon. Giles knows this... this coven of Witches that could help her control her Magick." 

"That's good. Just can't imagine Red being the Big Bad and all," he replied automatically. 

"I couldn't either," she whispered and turned her gaze away from him. She wondered how her best friend was doing. Was she getting any better? Was she still weeping? Or was she getting worse? 

Spike got off from his spot and straightened up. "Better get going. See if my flat is ready and all. Uh... night, Slayer. Happy patrolling." He smirked a little, not his sexy, badassy one but the friendly one. 

"Um, yeah. Good night. Have a nice walk home," she told him and started to walk away. 

"Slayer?" Spike called out. 

Buffy spun around to face him. "Yeah?" 

"Mind some company?" he asked. 

"No. Company's not minded," she answered. 

Spike took out a stake from his duster's inside pocket. "Let's go bag us some nasties," he said cockily. 

*** 

Meanwhile, in another graveyard, Darius loomed over a beaten vampire and crossed his arms over his chest in a proud and victorious manner. "It's real simple, really. You tell me where it is and I'll let you go," he proposed. 

The vampire shot him a dirty look and kept its lips sealed. ". . ." 

The Demoner growled from irritation and impatience. "You're just like the rest of them." He put his left arm forward and aimed for the undead fiend's heart. His pupils dilated and turned black as a blast of flame flew out of his palm. "Off to the crematorium," he chuckled coldly and watched the bloodsucker transform into ashes. 

"I'm running out of time..." Darius grumbled and whirled around to return to his place. 

*** 

Buffy caught the attack of her vampire assailant with her left hand and punched him on the side of his face. "Even if you do kill me, I've been there..." She kicked him on the side. "Done that..." She grabbed his neck with her right hand and threw him toward a tree. "...twice." 

Spike watched the Slayer pummel her opponent from a tombstone, where he was perched, with admiration in his sapphire blue eyes. He had always loved and enjoyed the way she danced while she shot witty remarks at her enemy. How he wished he was at the vampire's place. He could dance with her all night. She was a worthy opponent, his equal. 

The Slayer took a step forward and towered over her enemy. "Don't you villains ever get tired of trying to destroy the world and everything that's good? 'Cause that's SO overrated these days," she stated sarcastically. 

The demon was back on his feet and did a spinning high kick. 

She ducked and jabbed him in the stomach. "I mean, it's a big world out there. There's plenty of things to do." She jumped back as her opponent lashed out with his arm. "You can build a bird house..." The monster threw another punch and knocked the stake out of Buffy's hand. "...fly a kite..." He attacked with both hands to break her neck but she caught them with her own and twisted his wrists. "...or kiss a baby." The vampire roared at her face, in pain and irritated by the girl's banter. The Slayer's features contorted into a look of mocked disgust. "But you might want to get some breath mints first." 

She pushed the bloodsucker away from her but before she could slug him across the face, the undead fiend whipped out a knife and slashed her across her left arm. Buffy gasped in pain and instinctively covered the cut with her right hand. 

The vampire smiled smugly and advanced forward. Before he could make another move, he paused momentarily and soon combusted into dust when Spike staked him from behind. 

Spike pocketed his weapon and rushed to Buffy's side. "Let me have a look." 

Buffy let him see the cut though hesitantly. 

"It'll heal but looks pretty deep," he said with a hint of concern. 

The Ex-Vampire eyed the Slayer, his stare somewhat accusing and reprimanding. As much as he loved watching the Slayer dance, he couldn't help but notice that she spent too much time bantering than fighting. She also seemed a bit distracted and he had an idea why. Was she thinking about Willow? Tara's death? Or maybe him and 'that' night? 

Buffy avoided his gaze. "I know. Thanks..." she whispered. 

"Come with me. Let's get you patched up," Spike proposed nonchalantly. 

Buffy knit her brows in confusion, unsure if she heard him right. "What?" 

"Spend the night at my flat. The wound needs some bandaging and you look like Hell." 

She gave him a small smile. "Yeah. Post apocalypse induced effect." 

He put up his hands in the air. "Don't worry, I'll keep my hands to m'self." 

She nodded her headed. "Fine." 

Spike grinned in return and started forward. "Let's go before a pack of nasties find us." 

Buffy trailed after him without a word. The blonde duo walked in silence while they stole glances from each other when one of them thought the other wasn't looking. Fortunately, they weren't attacked by anymore creatures so their little night stroll was quicker than they had hoped. 

The two entered an apartment complex and headed for the elevator. They got off the lift at the third floor and went down the hall. Buffy watched Spike stop at the last door and fish out a set of keys from his duster's inner pocket. 

"Room number twenty," she told herself when she read the number on the door. 

"Come on in," Spike called out, who had already gone inside. 

Buffy walked in. She looked awe stricken when she stepped out of the foyer and into the living room. One thing she admired about Spike was that he had taste and style. At the back wall of the living room was a black, leather sofa that could accommodate three people. To the sofa's left was a love seat and to its right was an armchair, both of the same colour and material. Between the couches was a coffee table made out of oak. A few feet away from the coffee table was a thirty two inch TV with one those DVD and VCR player in one to go with it. The curtains behind the love seat were dark blue and were thick enough to keep the sunlight away during the day. The carpet was also dark blue and the same for the marble patterned wallpaper. 

"Wow. This is... wow," Buffy sputtered. 

Spike made a mental note to give the landlady a little something for her efforts. He gestured for her to take a seat with his hand. "Make yourself at home. I'll go get the first aid kit." 

Unconsciously, she sat down on the love seat "Yeah, sure," she answered quickly, still amazed. 

Spike returned a few moments later with a red plastic box. He took a seat next to Buffy and placed the first aid kit on the coffee table. "Raise the sleeve of your shirt." 

She complied silently. 

The Ex-Vampire produced a small, blue moist towel and cleaned off the dried blood. With a cotton ball and an anti-septic, he disinfected the cut as gently as he could so it wouldn't sting too much and then finally bandaged the wound. During the whole ordeal, he was careful not to make skin contact or make his need for air noticeable. The young woman next to him had been through so much lately and didn't want to give her another thing to think or possibly worry about. 

Buffy just stared at the wall the whole time, lost in her thoughts though she had noted that Spike avoided touching her. He had kept his word like he always did. How could a soulless demon have honour? 

Spike snapped her out of her reverie when he announced proudly, "All done." 

"Thanks," she said in a small voice. 

"Welcome," he nodded curtly. "Want a tour 'round my new lair?" 

"Yeah. I'd like that," she replied and two of them stood up. 

The Ex-Vampire and Slayer went down the hall and opened the first door to their right. It was a bathroom with the shower stall and the tub separated. Opposite of the washroom was a linen closet and Buffy noted that the spare blankets and towels were black, red, and dark blue. 

The two took a few steps and were met with another pair of doors. To their right was a room with boxes, little things still left unpacked from Spike's crypt. To their left was the master bedroom. There was a king size bed with black pillows and covers, an oak dresser, and a study table with books. 

The blonde duo reached the end of the corridor and went into the kitchen. It had everything whatever a kitchen had; fridge, stove, microwave, toaster, cordless phone, and a small, wooden, round dining table. 

"Hungry?" Spike asked, trying to be the perfect host. 

"No thanks," she smiled weakly. "I'll just go to sleep." 

"You can use my room," he offered. "I'll take the couch." 

Spike left the kitchen and went to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and his hair to wash out the hair gel. He then looked up from the sink to the mirror on the wall and for the first time in a hundred something years, he saw his reflection. After the spell cursed him with humanity, it never occurred to him to check himself out in a mirror. 

He leaned forward and examined himself. He still had the face of a twenty three year old but with a few changes. His hair was no longer dark brown but peroxide blond. He no longer needed glasses to aid his vision and his left brow had a Y-shaped scar. He smirked to himself. 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say I'm one handsome creature," he grinned. With a chuckle, he brushed his teeth and stepped outside. 

He slightly opened the door to the master bedroom and was relieved to find his guest sleeping peacefully. "Night, Slayer," he whispered and helped himself with a pillow and a blanket from the linen closet. 

Spike went to the living room and placed his pillow on the big couch's arm rest. He then checked if the door was locked and shut the lights off. He kicked off his combat boots, shrugged out of his duster, and hung the leather coat on the armchair. He wrapped the blanket around himself and lay down with his arms crossed under his head. 

The Ex-Vampire stared at the ceiling and pondered how he would spend the next day. One thing he had on his list was to clear out the boxes from the empty room. As soon as Buffy left tomorrow, he had to find appropriate spots in the flat where he could display his old, black and white photos; pictures of him from when he was a baby to his youth, his little sister, parents, and England in the old days. He also had to find a safe place where he could keep his stolen Buffy goods and weapons. Perhaps a trap door in the linen closet was in order. 

Another thing on his list was to find a job. He had a degree in Literature and Arts. Maybe he should start writing again for living. He had written a few poems about Buffy when they were together and thought they were good enough to be published. It was amazing what a century of practice can do. 

He tried to come up what else he had on his mental list but couldn't remember anymore. He yawned and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. His brain nagged him to sleep and that he did. 


	8. Shadow Of Eyes

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Eight : Shadow Of Eyes 

Buffy walked down the sidewalk with each hand carrying a plastic bag. It was around noon and the Slayer was headed for 1360 Revello Drive, returning from her weekly grocery shopping. She reached her home shortly and went up to the front porch. She set the grocery bags down on the ground and opened the door. 

She entered her house with her purchases and closed the door with a light kick. The twenty one year old blonde woman then went straight to the kitchen and placed the bags on the island. She sat on one of the stools and let out a heavy sigh. 

It was her day off and she was completely alone in her home. The place just felt so empty and lifeless without its occupants or visitors. Dawn was at school though she would be back in about four hours or so and train with her after she finished her homework. Xander worked everyday but he stopped by every now and then. She hadn't seen Anya that much after an averted apocalypse. Willow was in England with Giles to learn how to control her powers. Tara was dead. And Spike had been avoiding her. 

It had been two weeks since she spent the night at his new apartment. The morning after, a few words were exchanged and she took off to attend to her sister. Since then, she hadn't seen Spike. Was he really staying out of her way or was she just paranoid? Either way, she missed him. 

The two of them were finished but the over part of their relationship didn't really feel like it because she knew they still had feelings for each other. But now, it seemed like they really were with Spike keeping to himself and having moved on like she had told him to. The Slayer felt her heart sank. The thought of Spike with someone like that girl from Xander's not-a-wedding both saddened and infuriated her. 

Spike, Spike, Spike! She couldn't get the peroxide blond man ever since 'that' night. Somehow, her thoughts always drifted to him in one way or another. With a frustrated growl, she got off the stool and went to her bed room. She strode toward her dresser and took out her jewellery box from the top drawer. The Slayer opened the box and picked up the skull ring Spike had given her on their spell induced engagement carefully and gently. 

She let the object rest on her palm and stared at it with sad eyes. She had kept the ring after all these years. She didn't know why but she was glad she had. It was her only memento of the peroxide blond, the only thing she had to remember him by and their moments of bliss. She then went over to her bed. She sat down with her legs crossed and pat the skull slowly and delicately. 

Buffy wished things were different. She wished that whatever she had with Spike wasn't over. She missed his affectionate gaze, his cold lips on her warms ones, the way his strong arms held her small form, the way he made love to her, and how he made her feel alive and complete. 

Yet she knew things between them had to end. Whatever they had wasn't healthy. She knew she couldn't always keep running to him for comfort. She knew she couldn't depend on him forever. She had to learn how to stand on her own two feet again. Besides, she was using him to feel. Was she? 

Buffy felt her heart constrict with guilt and regret. She wasn't using him. There were feelings involved. Spike loved her, no doubt about that. She knew she had feelings for him too but didn't want to explore them to find out exactly what they were. Whatever emotions she had, she kept hidden during their shag-fests though there were a few times when she had almost slipped like when they shagged under Spike's rug. She had told him he was amazing and even complimented the piece of furniture but soon ran out of his crypt when she realized she was warming up to him. So, really, she didn't actually use him. She even admitted to him that not having him hurt and it still did except ten times worse. 

Buffy gave the skull ring a weak smile and clasped it over her bleeding heart. She wished things were different. If she had been a brave woman and faced her fears, maybe she would be in Spike's arms instead of seeking solace and comfort from his ring. But they weren't. He was gone. 

She had lost him, all of him, now that he had moved on. Not only did she lose her lover but she had also lost a friend, a confidant, her slaying partner. Out of her friends, Spike was the only person who really understood what a Slayer was. Her friends could never comprehend what a Slayer was suppose to be. But he knew what she really was and what she had to do. 

The Slayer took in a shaky breath and fought back the tears that welled in her eyes. She shifted around her bed and lay on her side with Spike's ring still tightly clasped over her aching heart. He was really gone, another man down the drain from her life. And knowing that he was just around the corner, so close yet so far, didn't make things any better for her. 

"Will it get better?" she asked to no one in particular, her voice barely above whisper as a lone tear escaped her eye and flowed down her cheek slowly. 

*** 

Spike snorted in disgust and irritation. He was seated on a barstool at the Bronze with a mug of whiskey and for the past fifteen minutes, about ten women had come and go to pester him, at least it seemed that way to him. Women. Why did they always torture him? 

It was the same routine with every woman he had met so far for the night. One would come up to him, give him a small smile or a wink, and then sit next to him. She would order a drink and show off what she had to offer, in a subtle way, while she waited. There would be some talking but it would be quickly followed by seduction. Finally, she would leave in an offended and angry huff when he told her he wasn't interested. The women he had encountered weren't bad looking. They weren't just his type. Too human. Too normal. Too predictable. 

They were nothing like his past lovers. Drusilla might have been insane but she was dark, deadly, mysterious, and captivating. Her ramblings about the stars and pixies both confused the Hell out of him but fascinated him at the same time. As for Buffy, she was feisty and one of a kind Slayer. She was strong, smart, resourceful, and brave. She was also unpredictable. He felt like he was playing with fire whenever he was around her. She could make him feel warm and alive but burn and hurt him at the same moment. Buffy could be punching him in the nose and then kissing him voraciously after or jumping his bones. And Harmony... well, the unicorn and France crazed vampiress was nothing more than a rebound girlfriend and was quickly tossed aside like a broken doll once Drusilla came back to Sunnydale for a reunion. 

Usually, Spike didn't mind the attention but he wanted to be alone for the moment to think about life. He had finally settled in in his new apartment with everything in place. His soul and the voices in his head had been pushed to the back of his mind and didn't torture him as much. But he still had to find a job. He had contacted a few publishing houses but hadn't heard from them yet. 

Spike snarled to himself. Things used to be simple. He did whatever he wanted, whenever and wherever. His life was carefree. But humanity had taken that, a part of him, away from him. Now, he needed a direction in life, a career, something to do to sustain himself until Death claimed him. Everything was complicated. No more simple blood and feed routines. 

The peroxide blond stood up to leave. He had the sudden urge to kill something but his eyes caught a familiar blonde woman at the dance floor. 

There she was, Buffy, dancing to the music with Dawn and Xander. He paused in his steps and drank her in. She seemed different. She was alive. The fire that had burnt out had been ignited and shone brightly. Gone was the girl that wanted to escape life, except she wasn't a girl anymore. She was a grown woman with a sister and a house to look after and bills to pay. 

Spike smirked. Buffy Summers was one Hell of a woman. Aside from being stunningly beautiful, nothing could keep her down, even being ripped out of Heaven. It was one of her qualities that drew him to her like a firefly to a lamp. 

Slowly, he shifted into stalky vampire mode and took small, predatory steps while his intense gaze was fixed on her. It then hit him that his actions mirrored the ones he took in the past; how he stalked her from the shadows, the way he looked at her when he had found her for the very first time. 

The intensity, the lust, the longing in his blue orbs grew with each step he took. He just couldn't help himself, mesmerized the way her body swayed with the song. 

He stopped behind one of the steel pillars that supported the balcony though his gaze never left her. Another step and her Slayer senses would have detected him. 

He smiled as he continued to watch her dance. Right before him was the woman he loved. The one that ripped his heart to pieces when she jumped off Glory's tower. The one he saved every night in his dreams. 

"She's really back," he told himself, his voice filled with awe and wonder. 

He felt his heart really flutter for the first time in a hundred something years and dread and fear soon filled it after. The attraction, the pull he felt toward her was something more now. He dug himself a brand new hole on the ground and escape seemed futile. 

He gaped at no one and took a step back. He had to leave. He had to get away from her before cycle began. 

"Oh God, no. Please, no..." he choked out and turned to leave, his duster billowing around him in the process for a dramatic exit. 

*** 

Buffy frowned as she looked past Dawn's shoulder. She had spotted a head of peroxide blond hair and a swirl of black. She only knew one person who had that combo; him, Spike, William The Bloody. Immediately, she stopped dancing and debated if she should go after him. 

"Buffy, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost," Dawn asked. 

"I-It's nothing," Buffy sputtered unconvincingly. "Just spotted a demon. I need... have to go after him... it." 

"Do you want us to help you?" Xander offered. 

"No!" she exclaimed and forced herself to look casual when her friend and sister shot her weird looks. "I mean, stay here. Be safe." With that, she went after her ex-lover and left a confused carpenter and Key. 

*** 

There was a big commotion out on the street. A gang of tortoise demons, armed with spears, had surrounded a group of people and looked like they had been held hostage. Spike was among them but didn't quite qualify as a hostage as he fought with three of the demons. 

Buffy darted forward when one of Spike's opponent came up from behind, ready to impale him with its spear. She slugged the tortoise monster on the face, sending it flying toward a fire hydrant. She then stood back to back with the peroxide blond and took a fighting stance. 

"Mind if I join?" she asked nonchalantly. 

"Help yourself," he replied in a neutral tone. 

Buffy deflected a blow from her stomach. "So, what are these things?" 

Spike kicked off a charging opponent. "Kappa, Japanese tortoise demons. They feed on blood and cucumbers and drown children." 

"Really? Thought they were Ninja turtles gone bad. So, what are these things doing all the way here from Japan?" 

"Don't know, Slayer." 

*** 

Darius stood on the rooftop of the Bronze and watched the fight with his arms crossed over his chest while his duster and sweater's hood swayed in the breeze. 

"Yeah... what are these things doing all the way here from Japan?" he echoed quietly and looked pensive. 

He then turned to the Ahrima Demon that was perched on his shoulder. "Watch the Vampire and the Slayer. Follow them and make sure they don't spot you," he commanded. 

The flying eyeball creature nodded. 

"Go," he ordered. 

The winged eyeball spread out its wings and took off. 

Darius spun around and melted into the shadows. "I better work fast..." 

*** 

One by one, the Kappas fell and only two of them were left. Some of the hostages have fled though a few remained, too petrified to move. 

"That all you got, nancy boy?" Spike taunted as he loomed over his beaten opponent. He raised the spear he had stolen from one of the tortoise demons with both hands and brought it down to finish it off. 

With all of its remaining strength, the Kappa grabbed the cowering young man beside him and used the human as a shield. 

Spike was unable to stop his momentum and the spear's blade plunged into the young man's shoulder. 

The young man screamed in agony as the cold metal tore through his flesh and was soon followed by Spike's when the chip kicked in. 

Buffy snapped her enemy's neck quickly when she heard Spike cry out. Alarmed and suddenly more alert, she turned around and found Spike, both hands still on the spear, the weapon embedded in the young man's shoulder. 

The Kappa that Spike was about to kill got up on its feet and ran way. Buffy debated between going after the demon or helping the injured hostage. Finally, it struck her that saving humans was her first priority and raced to the victim's side. He was in deep agony but fortunately, the wound wasn't mortal. She then looked up to Spike, his expression shocked and horrified and his whole body still as a lamp post. 

"Pull it out," she said in a neutral tone. 

Without a word, Spike did as he was told and tossed the spear aside. "I'm sorry," he whispered, sounding like a child. 

The blade cutting through the human's skin, the sound it made, the young man's scream, the blood, all of it, the sight of it, destroyed the barrier he had put up between him and his soul. The guilt, the images of his victims swallowed up his sanity like a city being claimed by a tsunami. 

Spike began to pace around while he ranted to himself. "Right. Wrong. Wrong manoeuvre, not hardly helpful. Christ, please help me." He paused momentarily and turned to Buffy. "HELP ME!!!" he screamed. 

Buffy glared at Spike though confusion was written all over her eyes. "You're not the one who needs it." She looked at the wounded man on the ground and then turned to the other people on the street. "Somebody call an ambulance!" she yelled. 

One of the hostages nodded and took out a cell phone. 

The Slayer stood up and eyed the peroxide blond, who was near tears, a fist pressed to his mouth while he continued to pace and rant. 

"Too much pain and damage, up close, right inside me. All the way, deep, deep inside me..." he rambled. 

"Spike! Whatever you're doing..." she snapped. What she needed now was a helpful Spike. 

Spike looked defensive and took a step back. "GET AWAY!!" He took a few more steps backward and ran way. 

"Spike..." Buffy whispered and went after him, totally unaware of Darius' Ahrima Demon that was on her tail. 

*** 

Buffy's Slayer instincts brought her to the park, near the carousel, where Dawn had her birthday when they just moved into Sunnydale. She couldn't see Spike anywhere but felt his presence. He wasn't too far. 

Suddenly, the peroxide blond stepped out of the darkness and stood behind one of the horses in the merry-go-around. 

"I lost..." he choked out. "I played the games. All of them. And I lost. I always lose. Never win. Never fit." 

Buffy took a tentative step forward and looked at him for what it seemed to be an eternity, her eyes filled with longing and a hint of love, like a woman who had found her long, lost lover. She then switched to Slayer mode once she noticed that his black T-shirt was ripped to shreds, his chest scarred and bleeding slightly. "No more mind games, Spike." 

"No more mind games..." he repeated sadly and looked away. "No more mind." 

The Slayer was on the carousel now and reached out with her hand to touch his wounded chest. "Tell me what happened to you. ALL of it." 

Spike backed away and covered himself with his duster as if he was naked. "Hey, hey! No touching! Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else. Not a spark. Oh, fine. Flesh, then. Solid through. Get it hard, service the girl." He looked down at his groin and began to unbutton his pants. 

"NO!" Buffy exclaimed. "Stop it. What the Hell are you doing?" 

He tilted his head a bit and knit his eyebrows. "Right. Girl doesn't want to be serviced. Because there's no spark," he said, his voice almost monotone. 

"Spike, tell me what happened. What did you do to yourself?" she asked again, her voice near desperation. 

He tensed. He didn't want to tell her, not like this, but whatever was left of his sanity told him it didn't matter anymore so he decided he would. "I lost," he smiled weakly. 

"Lost what?!" Buffy looked impatient. She couldn't figure out his ramblings. He almost sounded like Drusilla. She wondered if all vampires talked like that when they went insane. 

He disappeared into the shadows and walked around the ride. "Games. Lost every single one of them. Never fit. Not in the past, not now, never will. So cold... in the dark. With them. Had no one but them. Family, we were. But they left me too. I had no one... no one at all. Alone in the shadows..." he trailed off. 

She searched for him frantically but found it useless and settled for tracing his footsteps to tell where he was. 

"...until I met you..." he continued and when he spoke again, his voice was choked with raw emotions. "Wanted to be in the light, all warm and alive. But I failed. Failed miserably and let the girl die. But you, the other you came out of the Earth and fed on my flesh. Played her games, I did. Did what she wanted. Everything. But the last one went wrong. It wasn't part of the plan... it wasn't in order." 

"What plan?" 

"To move on. Did what you wanted but it put the Spark in me. It's in here, with me, all the time. Now all it does is burn." Spike appeared behind her and she spun around to face him. He pointed to the side of his head and looked guilty, confused, lost, and pained, all at the same time. "Everyone's in here, talking. Everything I did, everyone I... and him... and it... the other. The thing beneath... beneath you. It's here too. Everybody. They all just tell me go. Go... to Hell." 

"Your soul... you got it back." The puzzle pieces in Buffy's head put themselves together and the revelation hit her like a ton of bricks. 

"That and the whole humanity rot." Spike nodded sadly. 

"How?" She shook her head though she didn't know if she did it to deny what he had just told her or to wake herself up if she was in a nightmare. 

"Told you, I played the game wrong," he told her in a pleading tone, willing her to believe him. "Always seem to. Never get it right. Always a mess." 

"The spell..." she whispered and the pair of tears that rolled down her cheeks went unnoticed. What were the tears for? She didn't know or didn't want to, still unable to take in his news. 

"...always a mess..." he mumbled. "Never seem to ever rest. Never." He advanced forward so there was just a foot of space between them. "So tired. Just want to lay down and rest forever." He reached inside his coat and produced a knife. He took her right hand and placed the weapon on her palm. "Let me rest. Kill me." 


	9. First Steps

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Nine : First Steps 

"Last chance. Tell me where it is," Darius hissed as he slammed a Kappa against a wall in an alley, the one that had escaped from the fight, his fingers wrapped around its neck in a death grip. He only received silence and lost whatever patience he had. "Fine then, Leonardo. I'll just have to probe your mind. See what dirty little secrets you have in there." 

Before the Demoner could make another move, the Kappa's arms shot up and snapped its own neck. 

Darius let out an infuriated growl and hurled the dead demon to the other side of the alley. "Damn it!! Damn it all to Hell!!!" he roared and went up to the corpse. 

He eyed the creature with pure hatred and malice and kicked it continuously to free some of his frustrations. He stopped momentarily and muttered, "Reveal." A sword materialized on his left hand and threw the weapon at the tortoise demon's beaten body. 

He paused for a second, drew in a shaky breath, and began to pace around. "I need to work faster... I can't get this far only to fail... I need to control myself... what would she say if she saw me like this?" 

"Who would say what?" a voice asked from behind. 

Darius' body tensed. He hadn't realized that he had been talking to himself out loud. Slowly and with some dread in his heart, he pivoted and found the Slayer at the entrance. 

The Demoner pushed all of his anger and frustration to the back of his mind and put a nonchalant mask on. "Need anything? Up for some shish-kebobs?" He nudged his head at the dead Kappa. 

Buffy took a few steps forward and looked at what he had been referring to. She grimaced inwardly at the crushed demon and the sword that sliced through its stomach. 

"No thanks," she managed to say in a neutral tone. 

Darius crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. "You sure? Turtles and tortoises are considered real delicacies in some countries." 

The blonde woman advanced forward. "I feel sure. I'm very sure." 

"What do you want from me then?" 

"I've got questions and I want answers." Buffy stood right in front of him now, ready to strangle or pound him if he didn't comply. 

The Demoner noticed her posture and felt a small nervous tingle at the back of his neck. "Ask away." 

"Spike," she began and her eyes darkened, void of any feelings or emotions, totally in Slayer mode. 

Darius held back a grin. He had a feeling that Buffy would be coming to see him, but not this soon. His Ahrima Demon had shown him what happened between her and Spike at the park through their telepathic link and in one way or another, he knew Buffy would want answers from him regarding the Ex-Vampire. "What about him?" 

"He's not himself. And he started being not himself until that night when we first met. You know something. I want to know what," Buffy said, her voice cold and demanding. 

"I have to play my cards right or it could be all over," he thought and decided to play dumb. "He's not himself? What do you mean?" he replied and braced himself for a blow on the jaw but it never came. 

Buffy deflated inside and looked away. "He's lost it..." 

He raised an eyebrow. "Lost it? As in William The Bloody's gone insane?" 

She scowled at him for saying such a thing. "No. He's not insane. He... he's..." She paused to formulate an answer with the right words. "He's broken down. He babbles... I mean babbled a lot last night. Not insaney babbling but I-just-had-to-let-things-out-of-my-chest kind of babbling. He's hurting because he's human again. I need to know how to stop it." 

Darius tilted his head a bit and gave the Slayer a long, pensive look. "He was a vampire, your mortal enemy. You were destined to kill him. Why help him?" 

The question was one big, hard slap on the face. Why did she want to help Spike? He was a grown man and she wasn't obligated to look after him. What was Spike to her anyway? "Not going there..." she thought but the million questions that swam in her head about the peroxide blond refused to leave her mind. No matter how many questions there were, they all came down to one thing; she either loved him or she didn't and it became harder and harder to deny whatever feelings she had for him . The I-can't-love-you-because-you're-an-Evil-soulless-disgusting-thing tune had lost its use as a scapegoat so what stopped her from loving him? 

Buffy tensed a bit and avoided the Demoner's piercing gaze. Whether Darius' question was innocent or not, it sure put her on the spot. A part of the Slayer wanted to run away and escape the question. But the better and stronger part of her told her to stay put and get the young man to help. 

The young woman put her hands on her hips and whatever little uneasiness or tension she had on her face faded. "Why do you ask?" 

The Demoner shrugged. "No reason. So, where is he?" 

"At his new place. I got Clem to watch over him. You in or out?" 

"I'm in. How much am I getting paid for this?" 

"How does five beatings sound to you?" she smiled though there was no humour or warmth in it. 

He chuckled lightly. "No thanks. This one's free. It's on the house..." he trailed off and then frowned slightly at what he had said. "...except there's never been a house to work with. Whatever. Take me to his place. I'll tell you what I know on the way." 

"Start spilling," Buffy ordered once they left the alley and headed toward Spike's apartment under the dark sky. 

"I met Spike about three weeks ago. He found me at Willy's. Wanted me to reverse a love spell for him, the kind that'd make him stop loving someone," Darius said. 

"Did he tell you who that someone is?" Buffy asked curiously and hoped that Spike didn't. For some reason, she didn't want Darius to know. 

The Demoner bit back a mischievous smile. "No," was his only answer and glanced at the blonde woman beside him from the corner of his eye. He could have sworn she looked uncomfortable for a second. "The reversal spell didn't work, of course. It kind of went kablooey." 

"How come?" 

"He did it wrong. To reverse a spell, you have to fix whatever you did wrong. You can't just sprinkle pixie dust, say 'alakazam', and hope that you get a happy ending. The thing is, the mistake he made could've been anything. It would've been searching for a needle in a haystack." 

"What'd he do after?" 

"I don't know... he just started talking to himself, like he's seen a ghost, you know? And then he ran away and we bumped into you. After that, he seemed okay. We pounded some demons. Met him once at the Bronze. Sparred a couple of times at his crypt. He was fine. Normal... for Spike. That's all I can tell you." 

Buffy eyed Darius critically, checking for any signs of deceit in his dark brown orbs but found none. "Good. Glad I didn't have to pound you for it." 

"Yeah, well, just don't tell him I told you this. He said he'd rip my arms off if I told anyone. Can't play my flute and summon my beasties without 'em," he joked half heartedly. 

"I won't," she retorted flatly. 

No more words were exchanged between the Slayer and the Demoner after. They didn't need to so they just walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence. 

*** 

"Nice place Spike got here," Darius told himself mentally as he entered the Ex-Vampire's flat with the Slayer. 

The two found Clem at the couch with a KFC bucket and totally absorbed in the show he had been watching. Typical. Buffy went up to the demon and stood next to him. 

"How is he, Clem?" she asked. 

"Still the same," the floppy eared demon answered. "Want some chicken?" he offered to the two. 

"I'll pass," Darius said. 

"Me too," Buffy replied and turned her attention back to the Demoner. "Come with me," she instructed and went down the hall that led to the rooms. 

The dark haired youth nodded and followed her in silence. Buffy entered Spike's room without a knock while Darius stood at the doorway, hesitant to come in. 

"Get over here," she hissed. 

He went in and saw Spike sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard. His expression held no emotions or feelings and his eyes were fixated on the wall. At first glance, one could say he was zoning out or in a state of catatonia. But one look at his sapphire blue eyes told the Demoner he wasn't. The blue orbs were filled with guilt, regret, remorse, pain, and self loathing. 

Darius almost cringed. Spike had been hurting all this time because of his soul and humanity and he never noticed? Not that the peroxide blond gave anything for him to notice. He then remembered that Spike had muttered something about 'them' and 'Hell' after the reversal spell failed. He didn't know what that was all about but now he did. 

Buffy crossed the room and stood to the side of the bed. "How are you doing?" 

Spike didn't answer for a long time and when he did, his eyes never left the wall. "As bloody fine as a vampire turned human can be. What's Demon Boy doing here?" 

"I asked him to come here. See if he can do something." 

The Ex-Vampire bit back a growl. "For the fifth time, Slayer, bugger off. I don't need any mollycoddling. Should've killed me back there instead." 

Buffy glared at him. "How can you ask me THAT?!" 

"This doesn't look good..." Darius thought and stepped out of the room. 

"Right," Spike scoffed. "Don't have the rocks to kill a sodding human." 

The Slayer let out an annoyed sigh. Even as a human, the man still managed to get on her nerves. "No! It's not that... it's..." 

He cut her off. "Just forget it. Just leave me be. I don't want your pity." 

Buffy bowed her head slightly, defeated and turned to leave. "I'll be back tomorrow," she said in a low voice and left. She walked to the living room and stopped in front of Darius, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"You have to do something," she told him. "Take away his guilt or something. A spell..." 

"...messed him up in the first place. And another one could make it worse," he retorted. 

"But there's gotta be something you can do," she insisted impatiently. 

He chuckled softly. "Never thought I'd see a Slayer help an ex-vampire who's suffering from guilt because he killed countless of innocent people." 

Buffy shifted her gaze away from him when his words hit her, another slap on the face. 

"I can't change anything right now. If there was, believe me, I would've and I wouldn't be here." He shoved his hands deep in his duster's front pockets and headed for the door. 

She furrowed her brows at him. "Where are you going?" 

"Out. Got a job to do." He paused to answer but didn't face her. "Don't worry. It's nothing Evil," he assured and left. 

Buffy's shoulders sagged slightly as she watched him go but composed herself quickly when she approached Clem. "Will you keep watching him?" 

"Yeah, sure," Clem nodded. "Don't worry, Buffy. He's strong. He can beat this," he added with confidence. 

"I know," she said though she had her doubts. Spike wanted her to kill him. He would rather die than suffer from his guilt like how she had been ready to stay in her mental asylum instead of facing life. "I better go. It's really late and Dawn's probably all worried." 

Buffy left the apartment and walked down the street with only one thing in her head; Spike. He was human. He was no longer an Evil, soulless, disgusting thing. And he was hurting because of his soul, just like Angel when he had been cursed. 

She felt her heart constrict and her stomach twist because she knew she was partially responsible. If she hadn't treated him like garbage, he wouldn't have done something rash and reckless like cast a spell he couldn't handle. But it was too late, it always was, for her. Things always fell apart in front of her when it was too late for her to fix it. 

Her Spike was gone. Her treatment and abuse had finally destroyed him and he was now reduced to a brooding nobody. But she refused to give up. Whether Spike liked it or not, she would help him recover, just like how he had helped her when she came back. But one thing was certain; Spike would never be the same. 


	10. One Bridge Down

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Ten : One Bridge Down 

Darius perched himself on the rooftop of the building across Spike's flat. He glanced at his apartment window and sighed heavily while his leather coat flowed in the breeze like a cape. 

"Sorry, Spike. Can't help you. You'll have to deal with your situation on your own or with Buffy," he told himself quietly and stood up. 

The Demoner spun around to face the flock of Ahrima Demons behind him. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave them a commanding look. 

"Keep an eye on this whole town. Watch every graveyard, every demon bar, any demon hangouts." 

He received twenty simultaneous nods. "Good. Go." The flying eyeball creatures spread out their wings and took off to scout Sunnydale. 

Darius gave Spike's apartment window one more look before he disappeared into the night. "We'll meet again." 

*** 

Spike sat on his bed with his back against the headboard and his sapphire blue eyes glued onto the wall. His position had barely changed since Buffy had brought him to his apartment after their confrontation at the park. He had stayed up all night and even though morning had come to replace it, he still didn't feel the need to sleep or rest. The only things that concerned him for the moment were his emotions and thoughts. 

What was he? He used to be a Master Vampire, killer of two Slayers and countless of others... yet he was 'Love's Bitch'. What kind of demon loved as much as he did or as devoted as he was? Not very fitting for a cold hearted bloodsucker. And now he was human, but not quite with most of his vampire powers intact. 

_"Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the Hell do you fit in?"_

He chuckled bitterly at those words. 

It didn't matter who or what he was because he never fit anywhere anyway, no matter what he did or how hard he tried. Back in his human days, people picked on him and his 'bloody awful poetry'. He was a good man but constantly laughed at and ostracized by his fellow men. 

As a vampire, he had to consistently prove himself and didn't fully earn his family's respect until he bagged his first Slayer. Unlife was wonderful after, having built a fierce reputation and finally accepted by his family. However, like all good things, it ended after a series of disasters; stuck to a wheelchair, Drusilla cheating on him, losing the Gem of Amara, being chipped by the Initiative, falling in love with Buffy. 

Not only was he a harmless vampire, but he had also fallen for his mortal enemy. He had accepted it, no matter how wrong it felt at first. It hadn't been that bad since the Scoobies had let him in in their little club though he knew they did it because he was convenient. They only came to him for help and were always quick to forget about him after, like when they plotted behind his back to resurrect Buffy. 

_"You didn't tell me. You brought her back and you didn't tell me."_

Spike bit his lower lip to stop himself from sobbing when tears flowed out of his eyes as the memory came back to haunt him. He had done everything he could to convince them that he had changed and that his feelings for Buffy were real, not some twisted obessession, but he was still just a convenient body for them to use. He would always be an outsider, shunned, unwanted, never fit, doomed to be lost and alone in the dark with no one to share his pain and feelings with. Always... 

And to top that, his soul constantly tortured him with a century worth of guilt and remorse. He had tried to push the feelings away but they always came back to haunt him everytime he remembered last night's events, something he wouldn't be forgetting soon. 

Spike's head snapped up slightly when he heard the door open. "Buffy..." he rasped when he sensed her though he didn't bother to wipe his tears away. 

He didn't care anymore if Buffy saw him all weak and vulnerable. She had already broken his heart anyway and saw him act like someone from the psychiatric ward last night. But he did wonder why she would want to help him. Was she doing it out of sheer pity? Or was it something more? Whatever it was, it cut his heart into tiny little pieces because he had fallen for her again and to have her so close but not be able to hold her like he used to because they were over. 

Buffy entered Spike's room and paused at the doorway, surprised to see him already awake and in the same position as last night. Her eyes first settled on his face and noted his tear soaked cheeks. Her gaze trailed down to his chest and gasped, barely audible, when she saw several cuts, still bleeding. 

She crossed the room and sat next to him, not too close or too far. She looked into his sapphire blue eyes but said nothing, hoping he would start first, not really sure how to approach him in this state. 

Without looking at her, Spike spoke up. "What brings you here? Come to watch me suffer? Bring any popcorn? Sell any tickets for the angsty show?" 

Buffy shook her head slowly. "No. I'm just here to help," she answered in a low voice. "You're still bleeding. Why did you cut yourself?" 

"It burns. Too much. Tried to cut my heart out to stop it." 

Buffy remained silent. She didn't know exactly what to say to a vampire turned human who used to kill people. 

"Look, you don't have to do anything. You don't have to be here." 

"But I want to." 

"Why?" 

She avoided the question. "You should get cleaned up." 

Spike was about to give her a snarky comment but thought better of it. If Buffy wanted to mollycoddle him, fine. He would pick up whatever little crumbs she tossed at him. Slowly, he got off the bed and noticed the puzzled look on Buffy's face. 

"Gonna take a shower," he supplied to her silent question. 

"Good," she sputtered. "I'll be in the living room and we'll fix up those cuts." 

Spike gazed into her emerald green eyes as she spoke to read her emotions. He was disappointed to see that there wasn't a hint of love, just uneasiness and uncertainty. 

"Okay," he sighed and watched Buffy leave. 

The peroxide blond went over to the closet and pulled out a pair of black jeans. He then strode toward the dresser and took out one of his button down, red shirts. He gathered the bundle of clothing in his arms and went to the bathroom. 

Buffy sat down on the couch once she heard the shower running. She placed her hands on her lap and started to fidget with her fingers. Things were turning out better than she had hoped but she was still nervous and uneasy about helping him. 

She had wanted to help him because he had done the same for her when she was lost and gloomy Buffy. And also because her feelings for the Ex-Vampire kept pestering her. She had finally gathered the courage to try and find out the extent of her feelings for him. She just wanted to spend time with Spike, see if she really did love him and what stopped her from loving him before with most of her scapegoats gone. 

Buffy reached inside her shirt and pulled out her necklace. It was made out of gold and just long enough so that the skull ring that was laced around it hung over her heart. She gazed at Spike's ring for a moment but hid the jewelry back in her shirt when she heard the bathroom door open and approaching footsteps. 

The Slayer straightened up and forced a calm exterior as Spike strode into the room with his peroxide blond hair slicked back as usual, his red shirt open, barefooted, and a first aid kit in his hands. She took the medicine box from him as he sat down next to her quietly. 

Buffy examined the cuts on his chest. They didn't look any better but the bleeding had stopped, thanks to his quick healing. "You're gonna have to take your shirt off," she instructed. 

Spike shrugged the red shirt off and placed it on the coffee table. "Done." 

The twenty one year old woman opened the kit and took out some cotton balls and a bottle of disinfectant. She then cleaned and dabbed at the wounds, careful not to hurt him or make skin contact. 

Spike watched her work intensely. He had never received this kind of attention from Buffy before. His eyes were filled with wonder as her petite hands wrapped bandages around his chest. How he wished it could always be like this. No arguing. No fighting. No rounds of Kick The Spike. 

"Finished," Buffy announced proudly. 

"Thanks," he nodded with a small smile. 

"Just promise me to cut out the cuttage," she said and chuckled a bit at her joke. 

"Okay. I promise. No more cuttage," he replied and a brief moment of silence passed between them. 

Buffy looked away from him and let her eyes travel around the living room. She then noticed that someone was missing. "Say, where's Clem?" 

Spike picked up his red shirt from the coffee table, put it back on, and began to button it. "Sent him home. He lives in m'crypt now." 

"Ah. I see." 

Another awkward silence filled the room but much longer. 

Spike scrambled his mind frantically for something to say. Things were going smoothly for them and he didn't want it to end. "You look... lively," he blurted out and berated himself mentally. "That's the best you can do?" he thought angrily. 

Buffy frowned at him. "What?" 

"Lively. You seem to glow and s'not that your clothes are radioactive. You look... more alive," he covered lamely. 

"Oh." She grinned a bit at his choice of words. "Yeah. No more doom and gloom Buffy. I'm back to Buffy Buffy." 

"Good. I like Buffy Buffy better." 

"Me too." 

They shared a small laugh. 

"So, how's Nibblet?" he asked. 

"I told her about you. She wants to see you but I told her to wait. I wasn't sure if you'd want her to see you like this. You're like a big brother to her, you know." 

"Thanks. Don't really want the Little Bit to see me like this. She okay?" 

"She's been through a lot but she's doing great." She paused for a second and continued in a much quieter tone. "When Tara was shot, Dawn found her in mom's room... just laying there and lifeless. It was tough for her... to see Tara like that. And then Willow also tried to kill her." 

Spike wasn't sure if he heard right. "Beg your pardon?" 

"Willow tried to kill Dawn," she repeated, a little louder. "She was going to undo the monks' spell... the spell that made the Key human." 

He looked down in shame. "Sorry. Should've been here to help." 

"It's okay. We're fine. I'm back to normal. I've got a job. And the social workers haven't been bothering us that much." She gazed into his pained blue orbs. "How is it for you?" 

Spike didn't answer for a long time and took in a shaky breath when he did. "It burns everywhere... every single person I killed... I can feel all of them. The things I did. How much they begged to be spared. How much I enjoyed killing them. I can feel them, hear them, everywhere, all the time. Even in my dreams... see them as zombies that're out to get me. I hate zombies." 

"Me too," she agreed. She reached out for his hand, gave it an awkward pat, and let it stay there. "But it'll get better." 

He stared at her hand and then at her, surprise and uncertainty written in his eyes, still not sure what Buffy was up to. "Hope so." 

"You're not gonna get all quiet and broody, are you?" she teased with a grin. 

He raised his scarred eyebrow and matched her grin. "Of course, and put bottles of hair gel on my hair like there's no tomorrow." 

She tried to imitate his smirk. "God help us all." 

They shared another laugh, a little louder this time. 

Spike eyed Buffy's hand, the one on top of his, and took it in one of his. He looked at her and smiled a little, glad for her company and for not taking her hand away. 

Buffy returned his smile weakly. Her heart soared though she tried to calm it down, knowing Spike could hear her rapid heart beats with his enhanced hearing, even if she had a feeling that he felt the same from the look on his face. 

The two then looked away from each other and fixed their eyes on the wall as if they were trying to see what was ahead of them while they held the other's hand. 


	11. Disclosure

**AGAINST DESTINY **

Chapter Eleven : Disclosure 

Xander put a box full of assorted gizmos, action figures, comic books, and CDs on the dining table in the Summers residence. Beside the box was Willow's laptop, already turned on and ready for use. "Hey, Dawnie," he greeted when the brunette strode into the room. 

"Hey, Xander. What's all that stuff?" Dawn asked and pointed at the box. 

"I raided the Nerd Herd's lair the other night. Buffy told me to meet here and go through their things. See if they've planned anything else for us, not that it matters now anyway," Xander supplied. 

Dawn stood next to the carpenter and sifted through the box. "Is this all you've got?" 

"Nah. I got more of their things at my apartment like Jonathan's Magicks stuff and Andrew's weird summoning instruments," he answered. "Say, where's Buffy? She's suppose to be here by now." He looked at his watch and it told him it was noon. 

"She had to go out and do something," she half lied. Buffy had instructed her not to tell Xander that Spike was human and received help from her big sister. "Why don't we get a head start?" the Key suggested. She was curious herself about what the Trio had been up to. 

Xander liked that idea. "Yeah, l like the sound of that." He took a seat and inserted one of the discs into the computer. 

Dawn sat down next to Xander and watched him go through the files. The disc contained nothing but blue prints for Warren's toys. "Let's put another one in. I don't get any of this stuff," she told him. 

"Me too," the construction worker nodded. He put one CD after another in search of something interesting or vital. 

The second disc had the 'Star Wars Trilogy' soundtracks, nothing useful. The third one had various AVI movies of the gang, doing things they normally did like Buffy patrolling or Scooby gatherings in the Magic Box, nothing worth while. 

The fourth CD nearly knocked Xander and Dawn off their seats. It was another movie except it took place in Spike's crypt's basement. The first thing they saw was Buffy right on top of Spike, both of them naked though tucked underneath the rug. 

*** 

Buffy lay on top of Spike with her head tucked under his chin, her breasts pressed against his hard chest, her arms numb on her sides, and her legs tangled with his. Her body glistened with sweat and tingled in places where it was fun to be tingly. But best of all, it felt like her whole body was on fire, alive, and complete. 

"God, Spike. Where'd you learn all those things?" Buffy said between pants, her lungs in desperate need of air from their activities. 

Spike couldn't help but put on his best cocky smirk, proud of himself that his performance took her breath away. "Loved that, didn't you? Peaches and Captain Cardboard never gave it to you that good?" 

Buffy looked up to him and arched an eyebrow. "Arrogant much?" 

The Vampire grinned and waggled his scarred eyebrow seductively. "Wait until tomorrow. I'll show you more." 

The Slayer ignored him and placed her head under his chin again. "Why can't it always be like this? Easy and simple. Why does it have to be harsh, cold, brutal, and..." she told him, her voice soft, pained, and barely audible. She cut herself off when she had the sudden urge to leave, telling herself that she was more than satisfied for the night and didn't have to spend another second with Spike. "...I've got to go," she sputtered quietly. She tried to get up but Spike had put his arms around her waist in a possessive and protective grip. 

"Stay," Spike whispered, his voice and sapphire blue eyes choked with raw emotions. 

She tried to squirm out of his hold but failed miserably with his strong arms wrapped around her and her entire body being somewhat numb from five hours of non-stop action. "I need to go home. Dawn... she..." Buffy floundered. 

"...doesn't have to go to school for another four hours or so. Stay, Buffy, please," he pleaded desperately. 

"Fine," she relented. She wiggled a bit in his grasp to make herself more comfortable and rested her head on his left shoulder. 

Spike watched her drift off to sleep. He then smiled weakly at her and ran his fingers through her blonde hair with adoration and assurance written in his blue orbs. "Don't worry, Love. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. Your friends may have ripped you out of Heaven but you can fight this." 

He sighed heavily and frowned at her as if she had asked a stupid question. "Why? 'Cause you're my Slayer. You've never let anything keep you down. And you've got Dawn. You've got your friends. You've got me." 

Buffy let out a troubled groan and began to shift a bit. His hands left her hair, hugged her petite form to his, and kissed her on the forehead. "Shh... don't worry," he cooed at her and drew in a shaky breath. She had almost woken up from a dream, probably a bad one, and with him talking to her in her slumber. 

He gazed at her lovingly and continued to run his fingers through her blonde hair. "I'll always watch over you. I won't let anything happen to you. I can make everything better..." he trailed off and when he spoke again, his voice was strained with pain and hopelessness. "...but you won't let me... won't let me into your life and be the man you need... the man I can be," he said sadly in a slightly accusing tone. 

Spike drew in another shaky breath with his sapphire blue eyes bright with unshed tears. He stared at her and wished that she would tell him that they had a chance together. He may have claimed her body, but not her heart and soul. And he knew that what they had, whatever they had, was temporary. It ripped him apart and made his insides churn with the knowledge that Buffy only came to him for cold comfort, not his love. Sooner or later Buffy would leave him in the dark. 

He gave her a lingering kiss on the forehead and held her tighter. "Buffy... Buffy, I... I..." he rasped and then laughed at himself derisively for what he had been reduced to. "Oh, sod it..." he snarled silently. He glanced at her affectionately and rested his head against hers. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep to dream his good dreams. 

*** 

In Warren's basement, some time in year 2001... 

Andrew wiped the tears out of his eyes as he watched the scene unfold in front of him in his computer's screen. He was on camera duty and had seen Spike and Buffy shag until they could shag no more. To be frank, the blonde couple's performance had taken his breath away, the Vampire and Slayer had certainly given him a good show. 

"So much heat. So much passion. So much pain. They did it for five hours straight. This is better than free cable porn," he told himself in an awe stricken tone. 

He then hit 'CTRL' with 'R' for 'rewind' to watch the scene again, for the fifth time, when the movie ended with Spike and Buffy sleeping in each other's arms. 

"...but you won't let me... won't let me into your life and be the man you need... the man I can be," Andrew mouthed the words as Spike said them on the screen. New tears formed in the Demon Summoner's eyes as he watched the display again and again until his shift was over. 

*** 

Back to the present, in the Summers dining room... 

Xander froze on his seat and just stared blankly at the laptop. Nothing else mattered or existed in the universe, just the display on the laptop's screen. Spike, Buffy, Spike AND Buffy naked under the rug, sleeping in each other's arms. 

The carpenter refused to believe what had happened in front of him but the image and the fact had carved themselves into his brain. The more he denied it, the harder the image fought. There was so much tension and friction in his head that it felt like his brain cells would sizzle and burst into flames at any second. 

Dawn wasn't as shocked as Xander. She had already suspected that there was something between Spike and Buffy. She was just disappointed that Buffy hadn't told her. Weren't sisters suppose to talk about guys and stuff, even if they were vampires? 

Memories percolated through Xander's brain as the image of Spike and Buffy together buried itself deeper and deeper in his land of denial; a naked Spike doing push ups on his bed, Buffy going invisible. Spike and Buffy. Buffy and Spike. Together. 

"They're having sex!!" he exclaimed when every fuse in his mind exploded. 

"Who's having sex?" Buffy asked, confused, when she entered the dining room. 

Xander bolted up from his chair and faced his friend. "You had sex with Spike!" he sputtered and pointed a shaky, accusing finger at her. 

Buffy's mouth dropped open in astonishment and wondered how he knew. Her mental question was answered when she saw the movie on the laptop. The file had reached the end and since it had been set on 'loop', it rewinded itself. 

"God, Spike. Where'd you learn all those things?" Buffy said in the movie. 

The Slayer scrambled forward and closed the program quickly. She then turned around from the computer with dread in her heart and eyed Xander and Dawn critically. Dawn looked hurt and disappointed. Xander looked pale, wounded, and betrayed. "How am I going to get out of this one?" she thought nervously though she struggled to remain casual. 

"You had sex with Spike!!" Xander blurted out. "No... you've BEEN having sex with Spike." His whole body began to tremble. "T-Those... weren't push ups! You... invisible... S-Spike was pumping... oh God." 

Buffy took a step forward to try and calm him down. "Xander..." 

"Oh my God!! THAT was YOU! I saw you having sex with Spike!! Right in front of my eyes!! Oh God... oh God... this is too much..." Xander ranted. 

"Xander, Spike and I.... he... I..." Buffy started but her friend cut her off. 

He took a step back and waved his arm at her in a dismissive manner. "I don't want to know this, I don't want to know any of this." The carpenter shook his head to clear the anger and pain that had built up inside him and stormed out of the house. 

Buffy reached out for him but he was gone. She leaned against the dining table for support when her knees suddenly felt weak. She knew Xander wouldn't approve of Spike, none of her friends would, but it hurt, worse than she had expected, to see her fear come to life. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dawn asked sadly, who had remained still and silent during Xander's outburst. 

Buffy sat down on a chair and gazed at her little sister. "Dawnie... I..." 

"You've been with him all this time and you didn't tell me," she accused. 

Buffy looked away from her. "I don't know... it was confusing... us, me and Spike. I'm not even sure if we were an 'us' to begin with. But it's over." 

Dawn looked sympathetic. "Must be painful. To have another guy leave you." 

The blonde woman's head snapped up at that statement. "N-No! I left HIM... but we both messed up, REALLY messed up. It's better this way..." she trailed off. "...for now," she then continued under her breath so Dawn couldn't hear. 

"I always knew there was something between you two," Dawn said. 

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "How?" 

"When the Glarghk-something stabbed you, you said something about sleeping with a vampire you hate," the Key supplied. "Plus, I saw sparks flying." 

The Slayer ignored the last part. "Oh. I didn't remember that." 

"Do you still love him?" the brunette prodded. "Did you even love him to begin with?" 

Buffy looked down at her hands on her lap. "I don't know... but I'm going to find out." 

*** 

Spike sat down on his couch while he watched 'Passions' on TV with a small grin plastered on his face. For someone who was suppose to be suffering from a century worth of guilt and remorse, he sure had been grinning a lot for the past thirty minutes. 

He couldn't help it. Buffy had spent the whole morning with him. They had been civil with each other, they had talked, laughed, and held hands. The soul still burned every fibre of his being but Buffy's visit had eased the pain a bit. It was great to see her smile and laugh, to see her full of life. 

The front door then opened and Buffy strode into the living room with her arms crossed under her breasts defiantly and her lips set into a pout. She sat down on the armchair with a frustrated and stressed out expression, while she avoided looking at Spike the whole time. 

Spike's grin faded and was replaced by a look of concern when he took in her posture. "Mind telling me what's wrong?" 

Buffy found an interesting spot on the dark blue carpet and stared at it. "They found out," she said flatly. 

The peroxide blond moved to the end of the couch so he was closer to her. "Find out what?" 

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "Us," she supplied and returned her gaze on the floor. "Xander and Dawn saw us together in your crypt from the Nerd's home video." 

"Oh," was all he said. He knew the Scoobies wouldn't approve of him and Buffy. They never really liked him. "Anyone else know?" he asked after an eternity of silence. 

Buffy finally faced him and made eye contact. The sapphire blues were nothing but serious. "I've told Tara and Giles." 

"How'd the whole lot take it?" 

"Tara didn't mind. Giles laughed. Dawn's just disappointed that I didn't tell her. And Xander... he doesn't want to look at me right now." 

"Do you regret it?" 

She furrowed her eyebrows at him, not really getting the question. "Regret what?" 

"Us. What happened between us. Do you regret it? Do you want to take it back?" The seriousness and sincerity in his eyes, voice, and expression didn't falter as he asked the question though inside, he hoped against hope for her to say no. 

Buffy looked like she was hit by a ton of bricks and turned away from him. Why were people always putting her on the spot lately? After an eternity or two, she looked into his sapphire blue eyes and answered. "No... I don't." 


End file.
